Lots of Worry

My husband and I talked to Dhruti today about how things were going with the children.   She gave us an update on how they're doing and what we could do as parents to help with what they're feeling and going through as they navigate childhood. In short summary, here's what she said:

The Big Boy Worrying Update:

My son is cautious in temperament, Dhruti said.  He has always been this way.   He also is a protector and given that his sister is blind and has suffered through so many things, he worries about her.  He worries about a lot of things—things he shouldn't need to worry about as a child.   He wants to protect his sister, even though much of the time it seems like they're clashing.   If I think about it though, the clashing doesn't have to do with his care for her, it's just their personalities.  

He worries about her and wants to help.  And he worries about us, for instance, that we'll forget to pick her up from school.   That's an odd one because there would be no terrible consequence if we for some reason forgot her, but he worries.   

He also seems to want to tell her what to do, but we found out today that while his delivery and tone may need some work (he sounds like he's being critical and bossing her around at the same time) he really wants to help us, as parents, in taking care of her.  So we have some different ways to approach his behavior that will help him feel better about things while acknowledging his desire to help out. 

The Tiny Girl Friendship Chronicles:

My daughter's largest issue is the grief of losing her sight.   That processing is ongoing, but in addition is the relationship with her friend, Aditi, from school who is also blind.  My daughter is jealous of the sight Aditi has and wishes she had it.   And that has caused some hard feelings for her towards Aditi.   She also feels like Aditi is getting preferential treatment when the actual situation is Aditi has her own accommodations based on her vision and while they may seem like advantages to my daughter, they're just there to help maximize what Aditi can see in school so she can work more effectively. 

Dhruti said my daughter is feisty in temperament so if we want to get her engagement with something to phrase it so that my daughter can control the things within her control.   She can't control Aditi's sight or how Aditi acts.   But she can control how she feels about her and how she treats her.   When phrased in that way, my daughter figured out how to change things in her, and from that point, the relationship between the two of them began to improve. 

Dhruti said we can employ the same tactic at home with anything.  As long as we phrase it in such a way that my daughter can see what's in it for her, she'll figure out how she wants to handle the things.   We can approach things in a way that will achieve the same things responsibility and expectations-wise while letting her decide how she wants to act or take action.