Why Do I Apologize?

I don't know why I apologize so much.   I remember when I was working one of the very first jobs I had, present wrapping at Hudson Belk's, and how apologizing was brought to my attention there.  

There were lots of ladies I worked with, typically there would be three or four of us working in a row, with a line of people waiting to have their presents wrapped free of charge (for the basic wraps, there was a charge for the more exotic papers).   I would move behind the other ladies to pull off a section of paper from the huge rolls hanging on a vertical wall rack. 

In the course of moving back and forth or anything that might have happened in that small space, I would apologize.   They said I didn't have to apologize every time, that was just the working conditions and everyone understood as well as didn't mind.   I had a very hard time not apologizing for every little encounter though. 

I still apologize for everything.   I don't know other parents, including my own, who say they're sorry for not being there in the afternoon to do things with them, or lots of things I think I say to my children, mostly because I think I'm not being the parent I want to be.  I should be there more, be nicer, be firmer, be in less pain, be better. 

It's not something I should saddle them with but I also want them to know I'm trying.   I don't know if any of this is a good thing or a bad thing.   I figure something must be wrong with me if I'm the only one I know who does this.   Maybe I'm not alone.   My husband does a job good enough for the both of us, he really is a wonderful father. 

The Tiny Girl Chronicles: My daughter went to a birthday party for her next-door-neighbor.  She had other girls there who apparently didn't like my daughter.   That did not stop my daughter from going.   She found another person to be friends with and stayed late.   I talked to her about how those other girls wanted to be mature and grown up as opposed to being silly.   I told her that may be what middle school is like next year.  She said she's mature at school a lot.  I just don't want her hurt too much emotionally with this big school change where none of her friends are the same and no one understands her blindness.   She's tough, I hope she's tough enough.

The Big Boy Update:  My son got mad and didn't want to eat dinner with me because I told him he had to stop chewing on the metal tabs of the seltzer water cans.   It will tear up his teeth.   He doesn't care.  I was there once, I do understand not caring what your parents tell you.