My daughter had some challenges today. I was out mid-morning and when I came back I returned to an unhappy child who had done something to lose trampoline privileges. This didn't seem to be much of an issue at the time, as Madison was over and they were happily playing together...or so I thought.
I overheard several conversations between the two of them in which my daughter was being selfish and unyielding in her demands to have all the preferred things (certain shelf in the secret hideout, pairs of my shoes for them to play dress up in, etc.). It didn't matter what it was, my daughter wanted it all. She was lobbying for herself by saying things such as, "but since it's my house, I should get X" or "it was my Christmas present so I should get to have the mini-trampoline and you don't get a turn" for their game of hot lava in the living room.
It went on like this with my daughter being difficult and unreasonable while Madison tried very hard to work with her in the mood she was in. I give Madison a lot of credit, she didn't show her frustration, but I could tell it was wearing on her. I intervened several times saying it didn't sound like my daughter was willing to share or work together and that if it were me, I wouldn't want to keep playing with someone who wasn't willing to share.
Things came to a head outside and I heard my daughter telling Madison to go home, that she didn't want her at her house anymore. I called her in and told her she was grounded and she had to go to her room until I said she could come out and that she needed to think about her behavior.
My daughter called in a near emergency, "Alexa, tell everyone, Dad, I need you to come to my room right now" which broadcasted all over the house. My husband came upstairs but I told him I had it and he could leave after he admonished my daughter, telling her she was being punished and she knew it and that was in no way a reason to call him away from his work to come to her room.
I came upstairs to put away some things and was told to leave the room that she didn't want me there. Also, when was she going to be able to come out? I said I was disappointed in how she had been treating Madison. I suggested she was treating her unkindly because she was mad about not being able to use the trampoline. I told her it wasn't fair to treat Madison that way, just because she was upset.
Then I told her she could leave the room when her mood had improved. I also told her she needed to put the blocks back in their bag she and Madison had pulled out earlier in the day. These are large, cardboard building blocks about the size of an actual brick. They had put them out earlier in the day in specific sections of the room.
My daughter complained and said she didn't know where they were. I told her she could find them. Then she said something she hasn't said in this way before. She said, "but I'm blind!" I responded swiftly, saying, "I have never treated you like you are blind. I know you are perfectly capable of finding and putting the blocks up. If you want me to start treating you differently in the future, you can let me know. But I know you can do this." Then I tapped the wall or floor indicating where sections of blocks were and put the empty bag in front of her.
She said nothing but a few minutes later called down on Alexa and asked if she could come out. She had gotten all the blocks put away and was in a better mood. I know she's trying to accept her blindness. I hope what I said was a positive thing. Even with full acceptance of her vision loss, I don't think she wants to be treated differently unless absolutely necessary.
The Big Boy Tiny Girl When Are We Separating Them Question: At bedtime tonight there was a disagreement on if music was going to be played to go to sleep or not. These are the kinds of things we're pointing out to them as considerations both they and we should have as we try to decide when to separate them into their own bedrooms. I don't think they're altogether sure themselves if it's the right time yet.
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