Stonework

We had homework issues with my son this morning.  He did that thing he does sometimes when he can’t seem to get engaged mentally to begin this homework and/or stay on task.   Something happens in his brain and he just can’t work.   At all.  

For example, this morning he created a treasure map for me and told me I had to find the homework, using the map, because he’d hid it.  Then he was hungry (for a second breakfast, which he ate), then he wanted to change assignments.   Next he wanted to talk to his father about, well, lots of things—anything other than actually doing the assignment.   Thirty minutes into his homework and the only thing he’d done was write his name and the date.

The thing is, he can do the work easily.   In this case, it was copying words with similar vowel sounds.   It was not particularly challenging at all.   Thirty odd words on a single page of paper, with good penmanship in mind (which is a bit of a challenge for him).   And yet he couldn’t get started.    We’ve seen this happen many times now, and yet it’s still confusing as to why.   When my son eventually gets around to doing the work, he usually starts whatever the assignment is and gets done quickly.    In a lot of cases however, he’s whinging on about it  for sometimes three or four times as long as it would have taken him to complete the assignment in the first place.

This morning’s homework session didn’t end very positively, with him not completing the work and me losing my patience with him.   My husband wasn’t altogether happy with him either.   And yet I knew he wasn’t doing this just to get us frustrated, because he hates it.   So on the ride to Parkour Fortnite camp I asked him if he could explain what happened inside his head that made it so hard to do work sometimes?

And he could.   He said, “I call it Stonework, not homework, because there’s a wall and when it breaks through the wall I can’t get anything done.”

What he explained, using the wall metaphor, was that there were warriors and fighters and guns and things outside the stonework.   If they break through, he’s lost.   He can’t get the work done because he’s being bombarded.    But if the stonewall isn’t breached, he can calmly focus on the work.

I asked him if there was something that would help keep the stone wall in place?  He said Alexa telling a bedtime story helped he thought.   We talked about calm music and some other options.   We agreed to work on it together in the future when it happened again.

He knew I was writing this down—his metaphor—to write in the blog for tonight.   He asked me, “can you send it to Liz?”   Liz is his integrative therapist, who has helped him in many ways.   I told him I’d definitely be sure to let Liz know about it.

The Big Boy Update:  My son told his sister and me today, “I love orchestra music.   It’s my favorite kind of music.”   He likes lots of different kinds of music, including some pretty upbeat EDM (Electronic Dance Music), but his favorite channel is the Movie Music channel which has lots of orchestra-based pieces—even if some of those pieces are from Marvel Universe movies.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter uses Alexa for a lot of things.   She called her dad the other day, trying to find him:

He was in the house.   She found him right after leaving the message.