The Yelling Bowl

There are things about myself I'm proud of and things I'm disappointed in when it comes to parenting.  One of the things that most bothers me the most is when I get frustrated and yell at a child.   I have had countless conversations (and I do mean I've lost count) with other parents who have assured me, they too, lose their temper at their children.  

And while knowing I'm not alone and in good company with many parents whom I respect and admire, I'm still not happy with myself each and every time I lose my temper with the children.   I feel it's one of my biggest failures as a parent.

What could I do?   I knew some of the problem was I was immediately reacting to situations.   Sure, if a child is about to put their hand on the stove, a fast yelling response would be a highly prized asset.   But this was for little things, things that didn't need yelling to get a point across and things that might leave an impressing on the children that it was okay to yell if you were mad, because mom does it all the time.

If I took a breath, thought about the situation for a few seconds, almost all of those times didn't really require yelling.   If I took a chance to think, maybe I wouldn't be so angry or upset.     So I created "The Yelling Bowl."

I got out a small fishbowl thing we had in a cabinet in the kitchen and stuck it on a high shelf just beside the out-of-reach candy.   I looked at that empty bowl and told myself every time I yelled at the children, I would have to write it down on a piece of paper and put it in the bowl.   Enter date, words yelled and reason behind the yelling.    I would do this without fail, even if the yelling was appropriate for safety reasons.   The next morning I started, wondering  how few pieces of paper I would put in.

It was a twist on the swearing bowl, where every swear word cost a dollar or some other value.    But would it work?   Would it help me be more aware of when I yelled, and more importantly, would it help me to yell less?

The first two days I was very surprised.   I didn't expect it to work as well as it did.   I did yell, but I caught myself more often than not and came up with a different way to handle the situation.  Every time I did yell I would dutifully write it down and put it in the bowl.  

It's been close to two weeks now and I'm still using the bowl.   It's got a fair number of papers in it, but I have seen a big improvement in my approach as a parent—which was the whole point all along. It's affected a change in the way I react to situations.   It's surprising that the simple act of having to write down something on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in a bowl has made such difference, but I'm glad it has.

The Big Boy Update:  My son was working hard on "using kind words" so at the end of the day he could get a star on the star chart.   I lost my temper and yelled at him about something and he said, "mom, you don't get a star today."  I told him he was absolutely right, I wasn't getting a star today but that I would try harder tomorrow.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter has a scrape on her ankle.   But there is something else going on too because she's complaining it hurts and has even been doing some limping.   It's not bad enough to worry about a break or a bad sprain, but a simple bandaid isn't making it feel better alone.

Fitness Update:  I went to the gym today and the group of us running in The Ninja Challenge tomorrow coordinated our clothes for tomorrow and plan to ride there together.   It's going to be fun doing an event with the folks I know from the gym.