Did you know that person in high school, college, work life or other situation that tried to do things to "be cool" or get accepted by other people? Have you had those thoughts of, "why does she do that? People would like her just fine if she'd only be herself." I've seen children, adolescents and adults in approval-seeking behavior all my life and I've always wondered started the behavior.
I watch my two children and marvel at how dramatically different individuals they are. They are each their own person in so many different ways. One thing that's different about them is how they seek approval in a social group. My daughter doesn't seem to mind if she's included or excluded in a group. Sometimes she's wanted to play with older children and it hasn't worked out, but for the most part, how or if other people like her is not something she spends time worrying about.
My son on the other hand, seems to want to both tell people what to do, seemingly not caring what they think about him while at the same time wanting to impress those same people with how very cool he is.
It's the four-year-old's version of showing off. He has all the cool toys (or at least the ones he thinks are cool.) He is the most skilled at, well most things, if you ask him. He likes to invite his friends inside, promising them all sorts of wonders in the bonus room—even if he's been told specifically it's outside play time.
Yesterday he came in after a long time out in the snow. He was tired and hungry and I gave him a cookie and milk because, hey, cookies and milk are great when you're hungry. He knew the cookie was only for him and no one else; we discussed that point. The next thing I know, he's got the front door open and is yelling to the neighbor's kids, "hey, come in for a snack, we have cookies!"
I don't know why one child seeks approval and the other doesn't care.
The Big Boy Update: My son lined his boats up in the tub last night. I asked who had lined them up and he said he lined them up that way because it was the rainbow only, "wait, this one doesn't belong in the rainbow," he said as he pulled the pink one away from the group.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: My daughter chose a purple plate today. That's right, it wasn't a green plate. She picked purple when offered a green and a purple plate. She may be changing her favorite color.
No comments:
Post a Comment