That's the trick though, isn't it: it's a seeing thing. My daughter didn't complain, but I suggested something to her. I said I wanted to do the entire lighthouse with my eyes closed. I could get an understanding of what things are light for her.
I think she thought I was crazy and she didn't really think it was a good idea. She didn't want to have to teach me or guide me. I told her I'd get her brother or father to guide me and she could work with Papa maybe.
We arrived and when it was time to start walking through the path of trees towards the lighthouse I took m son's hand, asked him to take care of me, and closed my eyes. I have to say, being dragged along by my son along the path was scary. Shade disappeared and we were in some clearing, then he turned sharply. I knew there were other people, but I had no idea where. I didn't know if there was a tree branch or other thing I would run into. I told him about pulling me behind him if things got tight and narrow, that if his body could safely move through the space, me moving behind him would keep me safe too.
He got me there with no incident and while I wanted to keep my eyes shut, we had a bit of time to wait as only a few people could go up at once. I talked to my daughter about the special Indian Ficus tree that was close to a hundred years old, we felt the name plaques and dedication bricks that indicated donors helping to keep the lighthouse going. I explained they were setting up for a wedding and that was the sound she heard around us. Then it was time for us to ascend the lighthouse.
It wasn't a large lighthouse, but there were a lot of stairs. I started outside and had my husband help me. It was stumbly at first until he got me over to the handrail. From that point on, handrails were my guide. Inside the lighthouse, I realized we were ascending the main structure once we started to wind quickly with the stairs.
Everything was fine until I hit a mid-flight landing where there was a window. I couldn't tell where the next railing was and while I knew it wasn't an open area you could fall down, it felt like it. I made it to the top and experienced with everyone else some intense wind. There were spots you had to bend down to not hit your head and thanks to my husband's guidance, my head remained safe.
Once at the top, I was on my own to traverse around the perimeter. The railing wasn't curved, but in straight sections, rather like a dodecagon or some other-sided shape. I asked if the spot where I stuck the toe of my shoe out went straight down. It did. But I moved on until I got to the end and then I came back and we descended.
My husband wanted me to look at the top. I didn't. He wanted to show me pictures tonight, but I didn't want to see them. I said if he wanted to tell me what the lighthouse view was like, he could describe it. That was the experience I wanted. The memories I wanted to have didn't involve seeing.
The Big Boy Update: My son the other day when he realized I was running out of energy and was going to take an afternoon nap, said in the most positive of ways, "Oh, I love your sleep schedule. You can explore the far corners of the day."
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: When we were at the base of the lighthouse I still had my eyes closed and had been led to a tree where both children were climbing. I was holding on to the trunk when a man asked if both my daughter and I were blind. They had a blind daughter, he said. I opened my eyes and we had a very nice conversation about their daughter who sounded just as tenacious as my child. She had gotten near-perfect scores on her SAT test and was currently in college. She was so independent she hadn't even come home when COVID-19 happened. It's always nice to hear a success story like that.
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