The Stress Scream

I'm annoyed.  I'm behind on things and I hate being behind on things and I lost my temper because my daughter is feeling crummy with some sort of runny nose summery cold sort of thing and I yelled at the top of my lungs to relieve some stress.  I had a friend in high school that called this particular type of scream a "stress scream".

My friend was a full believer in getting out your stress in a non-violent, non-harmful way.  Aside from a bit of ringing in the ears, how much can a scream hurt anyone?  Heck, my children scream all the time and the only thing it does to me is make me want to scream for them to be quieter.

So I'm frustrated.  I have lots of things to do and I have very little time before I have to leave for another commitment tonight that I could have passed on, only I didn't know I'd be this pressed for time when I confirmed this social event last week.  Since then, things have piled up.

And it's all about priorities, really.  I know that.  I don't like staying up late because I want to get up early and exercise.  I could stay up late and watch movies every night, but that's not as important as running or getting to the gym.  Also, it's not as pressing as getting my agenda in place and materials printed out and prepared for the long meeting I'm hosting at the house tomorrow morning.   And yet, I'm committed to a social event that I would feel quite badly backing out of.  So, I'm frantically trying to get everything done so I can go.  But children and life keep intruding on my plans.

About this meeting I'm hosting tomorrow morning.  It is causing me some stress.  This group has been doing a lot of talking at our prior meetings, but tomorrow we need to make some definitive decisions, pick some deadlines, and more to the point, assign some work to be done.  I like to see things get done.  I don't mind talking, hell, I do more than most people.  But I dislike talking when actual work needs to get accomplished and that's where I feel like we're going to end up if we don't start taking action soon.

So, the pressure is on.  I requested a meeting with our head of school this morning and she is in agreement with me on the whole getting down to getting things done thing.  She will also be in at the meeting tomorrow and together I think she and I will have the power to prevent things from going in circles.  Or so I hope.

But back to that stress scream.  I love my children: they are absolutely darling, but they can also be infuriating.  I dislike fighting with my daughter to get a small amount of ibuprofen in her so she will feel better.  I don't like sticky medicine spit on me and all over her hair.  I don't like having to hold her down and coerce her to take medicine.  And I don't like doing that when I need to be working on an agenda so I can leave to go do something social.  I'm already feeling guilty leaving daddy at home to take care of the children while I go have, "fun".

So I screamed and I felt immediately better and worse at the same time.  I wasn't screaming *at* the children.  I didn't yell at her to be a better baby.   I just yelled a non-verbal yell, stamped my foot and exclaimed I was frustrated and exactly why.  But regardless, I feel bad when I lose my temper even so. 

Is it ideal?  No, I should be the super perfect mom that never gets upset or angry and always does the right thing and knows just what to say and never gets stressed out.  But I'm not that fictional person. 

The Big Boy Update:  "It's all the way in the tummy."  He was done eating yesterday after dinner and daddy asked him if he was full.  After telling us that he was, indeed, full, he said the food was all the way in his tummy.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  Runny nose feels crummy.  I don't know what summery coldish thing she has, but it's making her short-tempered and cranky.  Today is day two of the summer cold blues.

Fitness Update:  Tiring morning at the gym.  I suppose running twenty miles in two days had an affect on me.  It's a good thing we decided to train for the marathon because I think we need it.

Someone Once Said:   Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.