You’ll Understand When You’re Older

I spent some time tonight with my best friend and one of her four children.  Ellie and her fraternal twin sister, Maddie were going to their first junior high school dance tonight.   Only they were getting there in different ways.    My best friend had called me up a few days before, asking if I would come over and curl Ellie’s hair.    She said we could go to dinner and make the evening before the dance special.   So I found a sitter and said sign me up for the night.

Last night I had seen all four of my best friend’s children at a multi-family dinner.   I was sitting next to Maddie, who told me that she had been invited to a pre-dance party, but since the students involved in the party were her friends, her sister hadn’t been invited.   And then it made sense.   The hair curling and special dinner was to make sure Ellie felt included in something fun and special for the dance night.

This happens with siblings, even twins.   Different friend mean different activities, parties and social gatherings.   But that doesn’t mean it always feels good when you’re left out.   This evening we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and then met back at their house.   Ellie asked me what she needed to do to prepare her hair to have it curled.

She and her mother and I had a lot of fun.   I took direction from Ellie on what she was looking for and we all agreed her hair, beautifully black and Asian straight, not only held the curl well, but made her already thick head of hair even fuller bodied.

Ellie got on her dress and the three of us headed to drop her off at the dance.   On the way somehow we got onto the topic of limericks.   I told them two I knew from my childhood and explained that there was nothing more maddening than being told, “you’ll understand when you’re older.”

My father is a scientist.   When I was quite young he taught me some limericks.   Here’s the first one:

There once was a lady named Bright
Who’s speed was much faster than light.
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night. 

“But dad, how could she return the night before?” I would ask.   Try as he might, traveling back in time just made no sense to me and eventually I think he told me I’d understand when I was older.

There was another limerick I loved to say because it was almost a tongue twister on top of being mystifyingly confusing:

There once was a man named Fisk
Who’s fencing was exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action
That the Fitsgerald contraction
Reduced the rapier down to a disk. 

As we drove to the dance we swapped other funny poems and laughed together.   When we arrived, Ellie jumped out and headed off to the dance—alone—without any signs she was anything other than looking forward to the evening.    I don’t know that I would have been as easy going about walking into a junior high school dance alone when I was her age.

The Big Boy Update:  My son was having a morning yesterday.   It wasn’t good and he was really pushing everyone in the family with his crummy, demanding and angry behavior.   So I snapped.   I told him in no uncertain terms that he was not the only member of this family and everyone was trying here.   I was trying to get his lunch just the way he wanted it, help with his breakfast, etc. etc. and I was so sad he hated himself and didn’t want to be a member of our family anymore.   I said I was so sad because I didn’t want him to dislike himself and dad and I were doing everything we could and wanted him to be happy.   Something clicked in him at that point.   He came quietly over to me and hugged me.   He said, “I feel like you’re trying really hard”.    I thanked him and told him that no matter what, I would always love him.   And that I would love him forever.    He asked me how I loved him and his sister and was it different?   I said I loved them each for their own special reasons and did he want to finish getting ready for school and I’d tell him more in the car?   He got ready without delay and in the car we had a very nice conversation about how he and his sister were different.  He even suggested some ways I loved his sister.    It went from a bad morning to a very special one for both of us.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter asks me to play a song sometimes.  “You know, mom.  That song.  Remember?”  And after lots of questioning I can sometimes figure out what song she means.   This one had me confused for a while though because she wanted, “Mechanical Girl”.   I was thinking robots and transformers but she kept saying no.   “Oh wait, do you mean, ‘Material Girl’ by Madonna” I asked?   “Mechanical Girl” has been playing a lot on Alexa now that my daughter knows what the real name of the song is.