Self Determination

I learned a new term today, "Self Determination".  My husband and I attend once each year an IEP or Individualized Education Plan meeting for my daughter.  During this meeting, all of my daughter's teachers present to us their educational goals for my daughter for the next twelve months.  The meeting could, by format, be very dry, and yet it's one of my favorite meetings of the year.

I hear many IEP meetings are difficult both on the parents and on the educators presenting the plan.  This could be because the parents have expectations for their child that differ from those of the education team or maybe they don't believe the IEP fully meets the particular needs of their child.  For whatever the reasons may be, some meetings are long, arduous, contentious and downright not fun.  In our case, it's the exact opposite.

We love our teachers.   They have worked to prepare the appropriate goals for our daughter that will be both challenging and yet attainable.   They truly want to help her learn as much as she can.   It's evident in all they do.   The IEP process on their side is highly specific, complex and done in such a way that it is both legally binding and protects both the parents and the school's rights.   When the child is old enough to attend, they are invited to the meeting as well.

For us, it's more of a formality, although a very important one.   My husband and I have read the proposed goals and accommodations ahead of time and discussed a few things here and there, but for the most part, and here's the thing that I try to tell people, we don't know what my daughter needs to know.  I mean think about children who don't have a need for a specialized plan to address their special needs.  I'll compare with my son.   I trust that his teachers are following an educational path to give my son everything he needs to move forward each year and that they're thinking of his overall education in the process.  

We don't have a meeting and argue about how it's done, we just trust that the teachers are doing their jobs.   It's that way with my daughter, only more so.   In her case, I had no idea that in order to effectively find the handle or doorknob on a door, there is a way to use your cane in such a way that you can sweep and find it much more quickly than you could do so with your hands when you've found a wall, expect there to be a door there somewhere but don't know where the handle is.

What about if you've dropped something and are wanting to find it on the ground.  Do you stick your hands down on the ground and feel around, possibly getting your hand in some muck or something sharp?  You'll only do that once before you start to use your cane to search.   These are two items my daughter's Orientation and Mobility teacher mentioned today when we were talking about something after the meeting.   These are the things we don't know we need to know, or more accurately, that my daughter needs to know.   Her teachers know what she needs to learn to be successful not only in doing math calculations but in navigating her world.

We heard the term, "self determination" today and they told us this is the new version of, "self-advocacy". I asked my daughter if she'd heard the phrase tonight when she was high up in the tree outside, hanging Christmas balls.   She hadn't yet but she said, "I know what it means to self-advocate."   I told her she was spot on that it meant just that, only it was newer and fancier and she would hear more soon I was sure.

Today our meeting went quickly.   We had a good time swapping stories with our teachers and talking about what a relief it was to all of us that my daughter was back to being happy and excited about school, instead of angry and crying about everything.   We're grateful every day for our teachers and I know my daughter is, too.

Who My Son Punched Today:  My son punched Madison in the chest tonight—because he wanted the house to be quiet and didn't want anyone to come in.   This did not go well for him.   Then, after Madison was in the bedroom with my daughter for five minutes, she came out crying and had fell and hurt herself.  I was about to walk her home when my son came out from the bonus room and said in a nasty, accusatory voice, "it's not MY fault."   So he lost a privilege on the spot and when I got home, I laid into him about his attitude and said he was being a bully.   This enraged him.   He is a really nice child until he's not, and then he's just downright mean and only about what's in it for him.  My husband thought I was a little too harsh I think, but I believe he needs to think before saying and doing things.   He needs some anger management and impulse control and I'm not going to let him get away with bad behavior under any circumstances.  We ended the night on a good note, but for a while, it was rough going.

What My Daughter Said Today:  My daughter hung more large Christmas balls in her tree in the front yard tonight.   It was dark, but that matters not to her.   I got a step stool and handed them to her.   From standing back I thought the tree was really looking up but I told her I might want more balls.   She said, "Mom, we're in the forties, don't complain."   We went inside for dinner.   My husband had served up my daughter's plate and she started to eat.   After a few minutes, she said, "Daddy, I'm not trying to say your fries are bad, but they're not really good this time."  He agreed, he'd overcooked them accidentally.