There are sometimes eight children in line to get on the trampoline. They've come up with games and are pretty good at following the rules, which I have laminated on a printed sheet pinned to the side beside the steps to get in. I'll tell the story from two sides because I think my daughter's side is important to tell and I learned more about it afterward.
I was called out by the children and a phone call from one of the parents because they had a situation they wanted to talk about. My daughter had come inside, crying, saying she didn't want to talk to Mr. Benji because he punched people in the face. I had to almost drag her outside and my assurances Benji was not going to punch her or anyone in the face helped not one bit to calm her down.
On our porch, she lay on the sofa and the adults asked to have the story told. What the other children explained was that my son was hitting my daughter. There was some squabble about her wanting a turn and it not being her turn. She, in turn, hit her brother back. Claire asked her to stop hitting my son, to which my daughter decided to punch Jay, Claire's brother, instead. My daughter then called Claire stupid, an idiot and said she was dumb. I don't know what happened next but it ended with my daughter inside and the fathers over for a discussion of what had happened.
I explained those insults were punishable words in our house. My daughter said everyone was lying. She was hysterical at that point and screamed, multiple times, at the top of her lungs, she was so furious. She yelled and said she hated Claire. She hated Walter (the other father over), Jay and her brother. She also said she hated Mr. Benji and that he was mean and punched people in the face.
Claire, who is in either fifth or sixth grade, started crying and held on to her father. Benji told her it was okay, that he wasn't upset. Claire said she was upset though that my daughter was saying terrible things about her father. Walter told my daughter that everyone was hurt by what she was saying. There is more, but that's the general gist.
At that point, I took my daughter by the hand, said I would deal with it, apologized to everyone and pulled her inside. I was furious myself at this point and I spanked her once. I couldn't understand how she could have systematically alienated every friend she had in the group, insulted the fathers and made me feel like we were abysmal at parenting, letting our children think physical violence and insults were allowed.
I took her upstairs and told her she was confined in her room until morning with no dinner. Also, she had lost trampoline privileges for three days. I went into her room and tried to talk to her. I wanted to hear her side. She was under the bed, rolling around and crying, yelling, telling me she hated me, that she hated Claire because she was mean to her and that (this was a general theme) Mr. Benji punched people in the face.
After talking to her for a bit I got more information out of her. It appears she thought they were picking on her because she was blind. They kept saying, "we have to follow the rules that are on the paper" meaning the paper I'd attached to the side of the trampoline. My daughter knows the rules because I'd read them to her, but somehow it was conveyed, it made her feel like she was being teased since she couldn't see.
In a way, maybe they were treating her differently. My daughter also may have had expectations about when her turn was that was unfair. She can't see who gets on and off the trampoline. She may have been feeling like she was being skipped over, even though she wasn't. I talked to her about how everyone was trying to make it fair because everyone wanted their own turn.
I told her, in my anger and honestly embarrassment, that she would be writing an apology letter to everyone she'd insulted or called names. I brought her braillewriter in with some paper. The rest of the day hasn't gone that well for her. I went upstairs a few times, trying to spend time with her, but she told me she hated me and if the police were here and knew I wasn't letting her have dinner, they would kill me. She has some very, very angry thoughts right now.
I sent some messages to the two fathers explaining that she might have been triggered because she thought she was being teased. I told them she said, "I could tell they were smiling from the sounds of their faces" (meaning they were laughing at her). They were understanding and we all agreed we would continue to try and facilitate good cooperation and using appropriate words—that our children were all old enough to do so. I told them my daughter would not be using the trampoline for the next few days but that their children were welcomed to come and use it.
My daughter may be asleep now. She was bored a bit ago and I helped her find something to do from the toys in their closet. My husband and I talked about the overall situation. He said she doesn't get a lot of consequences like this and it could be a good thing. It makes me so sad that she's that fragile and would think she was being teased. She was so hateful today. Something much deeper was happening than not getting a turn on the trampoline.
The Big Boy Update: My son lost trampoline privileges for a day for hitting his sister as well.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: I heard my daughter typing on her braillewriter after being sent to her room. When I came up later she told me she'd written some notes, but that I wouldn't like them because they weren't apologizing, they were saying how she felt. I think she's very, very angry. This is what she wrote:
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