Looking Blind

I remember the first time I saw my daughter after the original insult to her her eyes when I noticed she wasn't looking "at" anything.  I felt despair, is the only thing I remember from the time.  There she was, doing something or another, and she wasn't even trying to see what it was.   She was using her hands or listening or something.  I don't remember where it was, other than it was on the main floor of our house.  I don't know what my daughter was doing either.   What I do remember was how I felt.

I thought this couldn't be the case.  Surely, we could do something—doctors could do something—to return her vision.   This wasn't immediately after her initial vision loss, it was sometime later but it had been long enough that my daughter realized there were situations in which she didn't gain any meaningful information from trying to see the thing in front of her, so she stopped trying.

That was a long time ago.  Over time, as her vision continued to decline, she tried to use her eyesight less and less.   Initially, she could see things at very close proximity at just a few inches.   Later on, even that vision was lost and today, while she can see some general forms (we think), we're not sure what she can really perceive other than sometimes she realizes she's about to run into something just before she does.

I don't typically post pictures here of my children.  That's by intention.  This has always been a blog about words, not images.  Any pictures you have should be ones you form in your mind's eye based on the descriptions.  When I started this blog, little did I know I'd have a blind child and that the written word would be more important to visualizing things to her than her eyes would be.   Perhaps when she's older, she'll read through this blog and the lack of pictures will be a benefit.  

The title of this post is, "Looking Blind" and in this case, I'm going to post a picture of my daughter, sitting on Santa's lap.   This picture, to me, looks like the quintessential blind child, holding their cane in the standard way, wearing thick glasses and looking at nothing, while having an appearance of being attuned to the situation at the same time.

Several years ago, this wasn't my daughter.   I would have been distraught to see her, my son or any child I know, looking in such a way.   Today it's her reality though.   She had a good time that night, I don't think being blind dampened her enjoyment at all.

The Big Boy Update:  My son and his third-year classmates are cooking breakfast for the first- and second-year students on Friday morning.   He needs to be at school an hour earlier than normal.   My husband is going to help him with any cooking tips he might need beforehand.   I don't know what they plan on making yet but he's excited about it.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  Today was red and green clothing day at school for my daughter's class.   She decided to wear a dress and tights and looked so very lovely.   She typically doesn't like to wear dresses but today, in the spirit of colors, she decided to forgo comfort and go for style.