The Horrors

I know I wrote about this before, but it's a phrase I think about often enough that it's going to come around again.  Many years ago I did a stint of consulting in New Zealand.   There was a family there that I spent some time with as the husband was with my company and was local to the area and they wanted to make me feel welcomed.   They had two young children, younger than mine are now, and they had a nickname for them, "the horrors."

It was always said in a loving way and from the way they treated their children you never would have thought they meant the phrase in anything other than a facetious way, but every so often, when my children are being little hellions, likely taking after me, I remember the phrase and think of my friends and their very sweet children from Auckland so long ago. 

Today was not a good day from a social standpoint with the children.   COVID-19 has made this hard for them, and they're not alone in this, but goodness gracious is it too much to ask for kindness?  Have we not taught them that resorting to violence is a bad thing?   And when did they stop being respectful?   It was a banner day in bad behavior here. 

A lot of it stems from situations in which my son has the boys in the backyard from the two neighboring houses.   They want to play with my son, which is fine.   Unless my daughter doesn't have her two outdoor friends (there was only one, but the second one can now play again.)  If either child is bored while the other child has their friends outback, we have trouble. 

We broke up a situation after lunch and took them to get shoes.   Their shoes were so bad they were tearing off at the bottom and looked like they'd been taken out of someone's trash.   We discussed how to deal with each other's friends in a positive way and had them come up with ideas on what to do to handle things when tempers flared. 

We got home and not ten minutes later my daughter was screaming bloody murder in the backyard.  We had to break things up again to the point that by the time they'd settled down to listen, my son's friends—who didn't want to include my daughter who was trying to force her way into their game—had gone home. 

My daughter's friends remained, but we weren't letting them out unless they agreed to work together and include each other in their play.    Again, not three minutes later this time, my son came in furious and crying—and he rarely cries—saying they wouldn't let him play and said he couldn't go into Nora's yard. 

There were threats, there was physical violence.   Vengeance and revenge wanted to be taken (by both children) and my daughter has been grounded inside for the rest of the weekend.   She is devastated because she won't be able to play until next weekend.   My son is also in trouble, but not to the extent of his sister. 

The details are far too complicated to easily explain but trust me, it wasn't worth the trouble they got into. But to them, it was all serious.   They want to be included and liked, only they're both going about it in the worst way if that's their goal.   We're trying to teach them some life skills in making and keeping friends, but currently the anger and hurt is blinding them to behaving in a way that would make friends something that was easy instead of hard. 

The Big Boy Update:  My son didn't want to get new shoes.  He hated new shoes.  He wanted his old shoes.   Then he tried on the new shoes (it has been a long time) and he remembered how much he liked getting new shoes.   He won't take his shoes off now. 

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter got some new sneakers and then she found a pair of booties.   She knows I wear that type of footwear a lot from going through my closet.   She wanted them badly.  Since they were discounted dramatically, we said she could purchase them with her own money if she wanted them that badly.   She bought them and can't wait to wear them to school.