Enraged

My son is upstairs losing his mind.   He is furious.  Enraged.  Angry.   Mad.   He had thought if he waited me out that I would just give in and return screens to him.  After school he tried in his nicest voice, telling me how he'd done drawing and listening to audio books and doing things in his room and there really wasn't anything more he could do and he was bored and I said...

That's the tricky part.  He was going with the bit where you said, "but you said..." and thinking that would work.   When I explained that I hadn't said that, and that that's not how things were going to work, he got mad.   He yelled at me and told me I had lied to him.   I was, "A LIAR!" he said.   He appealed to me, saying when I was at his bed the other night before bedtime and was talking to him about screens that...

I'm not entirely sure what all his arguments were because he was standing at the top of the stairs to the basement wearing his mask from school still and mumbling.   He did take off his mask eventually, but by then he was yelling and furious at me. 

The fact remained, I told him, that he had not read three books.   The "real" books, which meant chapter books.   He asked me if certain books counted.   I told him he could bring them to me and I'd let him know.   And no, a Choose Your Own Adventure book wouldn't count because you could finish that type of book in only a few pages.   I expected him to read three age- and grade-appropriate books.   

My son was deciding for himself which books would count.   He does that, decides what something is or will be to his distinct advantage.   I told him I didn't want him to waste his time so he'd better bring the books he was thinking of reading to me because if it didn't count, he might be upset at having to read an additional book. 

He screamed and yelled and was unhappy when he saw me recording the tantrum on my phone.   He was pretending I'd changed the rules on him when he'd had conversations with his father about the three book requirement.   He was trying to play the situation to his advantage.   Only it didn't work. 

I told him he also needed to understand that just because he read the three books, I wasn't guaranteeing he would get screens back.   He had to read three books before I would consider it.   That was the minimum to start.   After that, if his behavior merited it, I would consider letting him have some screen time.   

I've been trying to be clear about things.   But I'm also taking a very hard line this time.   He's gone overboard on some things related to screens that my husband and I aren't completely happy about.   This is the first step into getting screens back.  He will have to continue to show good judgement and behavior to maintain any access to screens going forward. 

My husband is home and he's talked to my son, who has apparently magically finished one book already.   This is what happens when he won't let me confirm what books will, "count" towards his three books.   He's going to continue to rage.  And I'm going to continue to hold his computer mouse, iPad, Switch the television remotes under my control until he proves he's actually done the work to earn some screen time back. 

The Big Boy Tiny Girl Pencil Stabbing Discovery:  This weekend after my husband and son left to go skiing I went upstairs and saw on the floor of the bonus room several sheets of paper with hundreds of pencil stabs through them.   I thought it was possibly my son doing the damage, getting out his anger at me for the removal of screen time.   My daughter happily told me that no, she and he had done it together. I couldn't get out of her a reason why, other than it had been fun.