Bad Memories

I had another steroid injection in my spine today.   The doctor’s office I’m working with is conveniently just three miles from where we live, which is about as close as you can get, considering there’s a large state park across from our neighborhood you have to get around first.   There were insurance complications which caused the appointment to be rescheduled and the only other time they had close to my original appointment was in their office the next town over.

I knew where the office was because when we discussed my prior care at my first visit I had mentioned the doctors I’d been seen by during the time of my spinal fusions over ten years ago.   It turns out this practice had acquired (absorbed?) that one and my doctor was familiar with my old one.   My prior doctor had left the state about five years ago and now the practice name was changed, but the office location remained the same.

I don’t have the best memories of that office.   It wasn’t that they weren’t helping me—they were.  It wasn’t that the staff and doctors weren’t nice—they also were.   It was just at a time when I was in a lot of pain, was on a lot of medication, felt trapped in a job that required extensive travel I didn’t know how I could sustain with a management structure that had ever-rising expectations.    The pain part is what I remember most though because I couldn’t get away from it.   It was oppressive.   It was severe.   And everything they tried to help didn’t seem to make much difference.

I didn’t realize though how much I wasn’t going to want to go into that particular old office until I got there today.   When I was driving up I had a feeling of unease.   When I was walking into the building I wanted to turn around and go home.   When I got in, the chairs looked the same, the magazine racks were in the same location and the fish tank looked exactly the same.   And I wanted to leave.

Once I was checked in they called me back and put me into a tiny cubicle that coincidentally I had had a bad experience in years before.   I remember the conversation well: I was wanting to get off all the numerous medications I was on because I was getting married and wanted to have children.   I was treated, it seemed to me, like I was an addict.   I was told to bring in all my medications the following week and we could talk then in more detail about a plan.  

I didn’t want more medication, I wanted less.   I wanted none.   But I had to work with them because I needed to be safely titrated off each medication in an appropriate order.   Which we did, I got married and then had children, all successfully.  

Today the staff were helpful and friendly.  My new doctor is quite nice and I like working with him and I had a long conversation with one nurse who has had lengthy battles with spinal injury and pain. Everything today was very positive, but it didn’t feel that way when I walked in the door.  

The Big Boy Update:  My son wants to know if he can have a bike with gears.   We looked at him on the one he had today and I think he’s about ready for an upgrade anyway.  

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter wants to know if, “I exceeded your expectations” about a lot of things.   Not all the time (sometimes she’s cranky and defiant) but when she’s in a good mood she definitely likes to please people.