I have lost my temper and my voice too many times lately. I jump into that snappy yell that brings my children to attention and makes them understand I mean business, I have had enough and they’d better shape up. I don’t like when I do this, even though it gets results. Tonight I just lost it at dinner because my son could absolutely not control his energy at the dinner table and was waggling the fondue sticks around like they were weapons.
I grabbed his arm in front of four grandparents, my husband and his sister, squeezed it and said in a caustic tone, “you had better calm down right now or I will take you outside and I will hurt you.”
What the hell kind of mother says that? I wasn’t going to hurt him but the situation around me precipitated my response. His sister was playing with her fondue sticks, trying to connect them together and in order to do so, she was holding the pointy ends about an inch from her left eye so she could see them. That was scary but what do you tell her, that she can’t try to see something she’s going to have to use and understand in order to eat her meal?
My father and mother were confused about the ordering process and what to select and I swear, my son was literally bouncing around the booth seat between my mother-in-law and me and waving two pointy utensils around in front of us (I exaggerate a bit, but it felt that way.) So I snapped a him.
He was very good for the remainder of the meal, including being very kind to me, but I was so frustrated I lost my temper. I talked to him about it tonight and he told me it was never my fault when I got angry. He said it was either his fault or his sister’s fault, depending on the one who was doing the thing I got upset at. I told him thanks for understanding but that even so, I shouldn’t have yelled at him and I’ll keep trying to be a better mom if he’ll keep working with me. He promised he would.
Tomorrow the yelling bowl is coming back out to help me remember to take at least one deep breath before I yell and snap at the children in the future.
The Big Boy Update: My son and I went to a holiday show at the fairgrounds this morning. There were several hundred vendors selling all sorts of things. We saw Santa across the way and I asked him if he wanted to see him but my son said not today. We looked at a few more things and then my son said, “let’s get outta here.” I thought it was a good idea, so we did.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: You wouldn’t know it. Today we ran into friends we haven’t seen in over a year at lunch. They had no idea my daughter had any vision issues and I didn’t mention it (that’s never a short conversation.) A lot isn’t obvious from basic interactions in a social setting.
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