Last night I engaged what I am now going to call, "Military Mom." The day had gone very well with both children until it was time to wrap things up, get ready for bed, go to bed and go to sleep. They each had their own period of completely losing their minds. They're nonsensical and irrational. They can only be moved forward with some level of verbal or physical force because they aren't capable of it alone.
My daughter will go limp and you have to physically take her to the pajamas. My son won't get off the couch, insisting on hiding under the blanket and the only thing he seems to respond to (we've tried it all) is a raised, firm tone. Not yelling, just loud and firm to indicate you're serious and there is no other choice.
Things turn around, for instance, last night by the time my son was completely normalized, his sister was wailing about brushing her teeth. He was chiding his sister, completely forgetting he had been equally problematic only minutes before.
Off to bed they go, lights out, door shut. My husband and I come downstairs and start to clean up the kitchen only to have the children appear two minutes later. We explained this is what we do when they go to sleep—more work. They weren't tired? Certainly, they could stay up and help with the dishes. My son declined and went back to bed. My daughter was a helpful dish dryer for ten minutes and then also decided staying up to do work wasn't fun.
Things happened upstairs in their room that caused my daughter to repeatedly have Alexa announce all over the house something almost incoherent but definitely involving the word hate. My husband and I ignored it, he went to the basement and I started to draw a bath. Three minutes later my daughter arrived in our bathroom doing that scream crying, saying her brother had bitten her. She couldn't show me where exactly, but it was bad, she said.
I told her to go upstairs and when I arrived in their room I was going to put a stop to this nighttime behavior. We've asked them time and time again why a very nice night has to suddenly turn into a bad one. Why do they do it? Everything is happy and then they turn the day into one big ball of anger and contention.
The first thing my son did was complain, "mom, you're naked!" Everything after this point in the post imagine me yelling, because that's what I did. I explained to my son that yes, I was naked. I had worked all day as a member of the family and now their teacher and my day was finally over. I didn't get to watch movies after 3:00, I had to prepare materials for the next day's school and do other things to keep this household going. After they went up to sleep, the work still wasn't over for their father and me because we had to clean the kitchen and finish up everything we couldn't do during the rest of the day. It was my time to relax. I was about to get in the tub but no, they had to have a fight and bring me upstairs. This was my time to finally relax but instead, I have to deal with bickering children who like to interrupt the remainder of the house by screaming repeatedly over Alexa.
I should have told you before you read that paragraph, you should imagine the above with lots of swear words intermingled. I was mad. My stance on swear words is much the same as it is for alcohol. Adults drink around children and children know they aren't allowed to drink until they're older. We don't hide drinking from children, hell, I've never heard of a single parent who does. But for some reason saying swear words in front of children is a no-no. Those of you who know me know I swear. It's a bad habit I should curtail or at least cut back on, but for last night's conversation, I didn't hold back
I asked my son if he was in milirary school if he knew how many pushups he would have to do if he bit someone? I counted up by hundreds until I got to a thousand, explaining he couldn't eat, drink or sleep until he completed them. I elaborated on how his muscles would burn, but he wouldn't be allowed to stop. I told my children I was tired of their disrespecting our time at night and that in the future, when we left their bedroom we had better not hear a single sound. No words, no sounds. Nothing. I yelled at them, "Do you understand me? Respond with, 'yes ma'am, I understand you.'"
My daughter had been crying but she responded appropriately with the exact words. Then I asked my son, who decided backtalk was a better route than compliance. I told him to get out of the bed and leave the house. He was going to learn respect. He declined. I went up the steps to his bunk when I hear his father's voice from the floor below, commanding him to follow his mother's orders. Go dad, save just at the right moment!
My son went downstairs and was sent outside. I went back to the bathroom, intending to leave him there until I'd had a nice bath. My husband stood at the door and opened it several times, telling him he had to do some pushups (which they don't really know how to do). My son was defiant to him. My husband asked him in a bellowing voice who he had to answer to in this house. My darling and misguided son at this point replied, "Mom." He said, "AND?" My son wasn't happy with his latest aggravator so he remained silent. This went on for a bit until he said he had to listen to, and obey, both parents.
He tried to do a pushup and complained his back was hurting him. Too bad, we replied. I was back at this point, now clad in a towel. After a bit more backtalk to his father and a few attempts of running away by taking a jog around the house, I saw him come back to the porch. I asked him in a loud enough voice for the neighbors to hear, "Who makes the rules in this house?" Bless him, he replied, "Um, you do Mom, of course." I would have laughed at this but I couldn't so I said, "AND?" and he said, "and Dad."
Then we got to the pushups. I told him he could do modified pushups and watched as he feigned agony of pain and torture over the five pushups. I let him in and said to go straight upstairs. Then, because he wasn't broken yet apparently, he decided to backtalk to his father. It was something spiteful and mean, I can't remember exactly what now, but I grabbed his arm and thrust him back outside, saying clearly he had learned nothing and now he had ten pushups to do. I was going to have a bath and I'd be back, "later." He wailed.
I left and the damn door opened less than a minute later so I grabbed the towel and returned to the foryer. He said he had done the pushups. I sent him back outside saying the hell he had and now I had caught him lyting because his father had been watching (he coudn't have seen from where he was but I'm not above lying when it comes to discipline, heck, the whole militarty school and thousand pushups for a biting offense was sheer fiction on my part already. I watched him do ten more meager pushups, complaining all the while about his back and me saying that was just too bad, he had asked for this with his behavior.
This time when he came in he went upstairs, slammed the door quite loudly and screamed at the top of his lungs several times. Then, all was blissfully quiet until morning. I told my husband Military Mom was now a fixture in this house, available to be summoned any time in the future when behavior dictated. My husband was right behind me. We will see how things go in the morning.
The Big Boy Update: This morning I told my son to get dressed because I was taking him to the chiropractor on account of him complaining about his back the night before. He said, "Mom, I was making that up, I just didn't want to do the pushups." Two points for honesty, but I wasn't letting him off so easily and said, "you said your back hurt, get dressed, we're goimg." He asked me if I was goimg to go military on him again today and do so in public (he didn't want to be embarrassed, a useful tool for the future.). I told him if his behavior was respectful and he listen and followed our requests, he should have nothing to fear. He has been very respectful to me today. I intend to have that trend contine.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles; My daughter has followed all work assignments and requests without complaint today as well. I don't have a problem if they are fearful of repurcussions due to behavior. I'm only disappointed in us, as parents, for letting the situation get so far as to require Military Mom to be sn entity at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment