What Have We Done?

This dog thing…interesting.   The thought of, “what have we done” has gone through my head several times since we got the puppy yesterday afternoon.   Mostly, almost completely, the thoughts are related to my daughter.  It’s not the house training, which is going well, the puppy knows to go outside and likes spending time in the bushes and the mulch.   It’s not the time it takes, I spent a lot of time with the puppy today feeding her and introducing her to the house as well as holding her since three days ago she was weaned and taken away from her litter mates.  It’s not the overall commitment of a dog—I’ve done that before.   And it’s not the training, I’m looking forward to that aspect.   It’s my daughter.

She is positively manic about the dog (which I need to get used to calling Matisse).  But the situation has been complicated for her.   When we picked up the dog she held her in her lap part-way home, but only for a half-hour, the rest we let her sleep in her dog seat for the remainder of the ride.  

When we got home we were unpacking with a dog who was anxious although calm.   Once she had gone outside for a few minutes my best friend and her four daughters arrived to see Matisse and give her puppy toys.   Everyone had a chance to hold her with my daughter wanting to hold her again and again in a not-sharing type of way.   She wanted to pick up and carry the dog from lap to lap in a bossy, controlling way.   We had to tell my daughter again and again that she needed to let the dog go.

It was hard on her, especially since once everyone left we sent both children to bed.  Matisse whined but fared well overnight in her cage.  In the morning it was more of the same from my daughter: wanting to constantly move around the puppy, not letting her move on her own, exclaiming, “my puppy!” and wanting to exclusively interact with the dog.  

But there are reasons.  I told my son, “you and I can watch Matisse, look at her playing with the toy, wagging her tail and running around and we can see how cute she is.   Your sister can’t see any of that.   The only way she can interact and understand Matisse is to touch her.   So we need to be understand of how you and she will want to spend time with Matisse differently.”  

My son and I talked about how he wanted to play fetch with Matisse.  I told him when she was older she could take her to a tricks class and he said he wanted us to get a frisbee for her.   I agreed, that would be a good idea as Wheaton’s love to jump.  My son is quite empathetic and these types of conversations about how how his sister’s experience of the world will be different and how we can help support her are something he takes very seriously and keeps between us, never making her feel like she’s less than fully capable.

This afternoon my son came home from school and had some time with the puppy before his sister came home.   He was very gentle but boisterous and Matisse was starting to show her true puppy personality.   When my daughter came home she and her brother had decided they wanted to let the neighbor children and their sitter about the puppy.   So our house was invaded by four children and a teenager.   And my daughter got into her manic mode again.

Consider this as well: my small blind child is excited.  She’s bouncing around, she wants to hold the puppy but she’s having to let her friends who are meeting her for the first time hold her—and she’s trying to control that.   Then we say the puppy has to be given a chance to move around freely,   And guess what?  Everyone can see what the dog is doing and where she’s moving—except my daughter.   Constant asking, “where’s the puppy?!” followed by moving to that location only to find out the puppy has moved on.   And when she finds the puppy she wants to grab it (gently) and hold it so she can experience her because she’s missing out on what everyone else is seeing.

Think about this as well: when my daughter moves around, she’s excited and moving quickly and she is in danger of stepping on the dog.   She’s being warned by everyone around her to be careful.   I had to be very firm with her one time to put the dog down after I specifically told her not to pick it up but her need to hold it was stronger.    Then later, when Shane was petting Matisse as she was in a spot under the end table, my daughter came over and tried to grab and pull the dog towards her, expressly after I told her to only pet her.

At which point my daughter did something that regressed her emotionally about three years: she pinched me.   This was a bad sign.   My daughter needed time with the dog and I think she needed it alone.   So we sent everyone home.

I told my daughter it was her turn with Matisse, but she had to be calm and see if she could let the puppy go to sleep in her arms.  I took her into the bedroom, asked to lie down on the bed and put Matisse in her arms.   Within seconds, Matisse put her head down on my daughter’s arm and my daughter enfolded her with her other arm.   I put a blanket on them and said to pet the puppy and keep her warm.

I think this helped.   There are so many factors in play but I think we’ve made the right choice for my daughter.  This dog was for her, because of her and hopefully will be a stalwart companion to her in the years to come.   But today, I have to admit I thought, “what have we done” more than once.

The Big Boy Update: My son would like to play football with the puppy.   He had a full-sized football he was bouncing around, scaring the wits out of the dog.   I told him we needed to wait until she was a little older before she could play football with him.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter, without being told, absolutely believes the dog is hers and hers alone.   We’ve had to explain the dog is for the entire family to enjoy.   I don’t think she’s buying it though.