There is an interesting phenomenon that happens when more than two people are having a conversation together. The person speaking typically tends to look at one of the parties more than the other one. Let me give you an example:
We had our HVAC seasonal check-up recently. HVAC isn’t my thing, with me firmly deciding this should be something my husband cares about more than I do. But at the end of the technician’s checkup he gives us a rundown of what he saw and what his recommendations were. As he talks to the two of us he primarily looks at me. My husband is asking questions—better ones than mine—but the technician is still directing his answers in my direction. Why?
I’ve noticed this time and time again. My brother-in-law and I were talking not long ago and he was giving me an update on his latest appointment with his eye doctor. He has a complex eye situation but he is well-informed and engaged with his medical care. And yet at the checkup he noticed the doctor directing both conversation and answers to question towards my brother’s partner instead of him. Why?
There are complex social dynamics in play with the why to both of those questions. Today I ran into an entirely new one though. We took my daughter to her six-year-old wellness check. We’d seen this new doctor once before after our favorite doctor moved away and were looking forward to seeing Dr. Baldwin again.
Dr. Baldwin was great. My husband and I liked him and my daughter got along with him as well. But when he answered questions or talked to either of us he stared at this spot in the wall behind us. It was strange. If there had been a television hung on the wall behind us showing the news or a sports game I wouldn’t have thought much of it, but there was nothing there—just a wall.
It didn’t affect anything related to patient care though and we like him a lot, maybe in January when we take my son for his wellness checkup we’ll see if there was a hidden television on the wall after all.
The Big Boy Update: My son was angry at me the other day. I was telling him he had to do something or he wasn’t able to do something and I was telling him he had to calm down before he could do the next thing. I can’t remember exactly what the situation was, but I wasn’t expecting his response, “I have my own DNA!” he cried out. I agreed that he did. We got sidetracked into a discussion about DNA and before you know it he was calm again.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: My daughter and I were talking tonight as she was going to sleep in her bed. I told her it was time to be quiet and I started a song playing on Alexa. My daughter said calmly and quietly, “that’s my girl…that’s my girl…that’s my mommy…DNA of my heart…Mommy.” This was a very eloquent and poignant thing for my daughter to say. I told her that was incredibly sweet and she made my heart happy. I went over to hug her and she hugged me back and gave me a kiss. Then I asked the inevitable question, knowing the answer: “where did you hear those words?” “On a show”, she said. But she said them to me and she knew what they meant. That’s what matters to me.
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