Fifteen Minutes Each Day

We have had a delightful three days visiting with my husband’s family friends who are visiting from Jakarta.  They are from Japan but have been living in Indonesia for over four years now.   They speak English very well and their two children have been a big source of fun for our two children.   We found out during our three days together we have much in common, even though our cultures and countries are different.

One thing we discussed on more than one occasion was children and parenting.   Their children are older and were so well behaved.   They were kind and understanding of our children, who were wild and crazy in comparison from what it seemed to me at times.  

This evening Maromi and I were talking about children again and her husband and mine came over to join the conversation.   She and her husband had a suggestion they’d implemented some time ago they said made a big difference in their family.   They said it was a way to strengthen their connection with each of their children.

Each night at the same time for fifteen minutes, you spend special time with one child.   What happens in that fifteen minutes is up to the child—the child is the kind.   The important thing is to have fun doing something with just that child.   The other child/children aren’t invited to be involved and afterwards, you don’t tell what happened, although if the other child wants to tell, that’s up to them.

In their case, they had two children so each child had special time with a parent each night alternating nights.   Certainly there would be times that were exceptions, but make time, no matter how tired you are.   And when the fifteen minutes is up, it’s over.   Tell the child you’re looking forward to tomorrow night’s special time.  There might be complaints initially, but after they understand, they don’t mind because they know there will be tomorrow and the next day.

Maromi told us they weren’t seeing results initially by their friend who was a Play Therapist that gave them the suggestion.    It was then that I mentioned how helpful the suggestions from our play therapist have been and we both agreed, much of what happens with children behaviorally can be addressed by changing the behavior of the parents.  

Different cultures, different countries, different languages and yet children are largely the same the world over.

The Big Boy Update:  My son had a sparkler this evening.   He was swinging it around so we suggested he could knight all the girls princesses and the boys princes.   He must have thought this a good idea because a minute later he cried out, “all the girls are princesses and all the boys are girls!”

The Tiny Girl Update:   My daughter may or may not see better with her glasses.   It’s very hard to get clear information.   In preparation to go see fireworks tonight she was in a talkative mood about what she could see so we asked her if she could see her iPad better with her glasses on or off.   She said, “off” without any hesitation.   She further told us she could see things farther away with her glasses on based on our next question.   As I was making a note of this I mentioned to her she didn’t have to wear her glasses when she looked at her iPad if she saw better without them.   Oh no, she said, the glasses helped her see when she looked at the iPad.   What about distance vision?   She said she saw better without the glasses, only she saw better with them…except for the trees which she sometimes sees.    So there you have it folks, one hundred percent ambiguity.