Chaos

We met with my son’s (and daughter’s) play therapist, Dhruti, today.   She reviewed with us the observations she had from the one hour session she recorded of my son and me doing tasks in her office.    There are things that need to be addressed, on his side as well as ours.   Some of the things we learned today were how to help him with the way we offer choices and give direction.   She is also going to work with us and him in future sessions to give him some tools so he can handle things better.

She said a lot of the time it’s like he’s dealing with a chaotic situation in his head.   Information is coming in and sometimes that information is too fast, too much, and he tries to handle the situation by exerting control over small aspects of his world.   This comes across as him being defiant or controlling, but she said it’s not that at all, it’s his way of coping.

She said he has a self-esteem issue as well and some of the need to connect and unsureness of how to do so stems from this as well.    She explained that information comes in to him quickly and he doesn’t know how to compartmentalize it so he can move on to the next input.   As a result, he is missing social queues which factors into the social situation.

From our side, my husband and I left with a list of notes and some excellent guidance on how we can do small things to modify our behavior to help him.   She said we would be amazed in how just a few changes from us will make a big difference in him.    Three things:

1) Less question:  he may or may not be ready or able to answer as many questions as we’re asking him, especially about making decisions on minor things.   This leads into the next thing…

2) Less choices:  yes, give him choices, but don’t let him choose everything.   It’s compounding his feelings of chaos in his mind.  Make choices for him, don’t negotiate, don’t let him change your decision once you’ve made it.    And the big one…

3) I need to chill out.   This was a bit of a joke, but I do want to be the best parent I can be and Dhruti laughed at me and told me to not worry so much, we were doing a great job of being parents.

She also said this is a short-term thing, maybe only three months and we’ll see a huge difference in his behavior and confidence.    I’m looking forward to him feeling more comfortable and happy being who he is.

The Big Boy Update:  My son asked me the other day, “mom, can we walk to school to save electricity?”   I told him it was a bit far to walk, but we were hoping to bike to school with him and his sister on the back of our bikes and would that do.   He was skeptical, not knowing if biking would save electricity in the same way walking did, but I think I convinced him.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter leaves on Sunday with my husband to return to Detroit for another evaluation under anesthesia.   We will hopefully leave with a refraction on the right eye for a prescription that we’ll get as soon as possible in her glasses.   Her left lens is scratched and will need to be replaced.   It is here that I have to confess, I was the one who scratched the lens.   It doesn’t block vision when I look through the eyepiece, so for another few days it will be fine until we have more information from her doctor.

Fitness Update:  I got back on my bike today.   I rode with my triathlon partner who is also the husband of my running partner and best friend.   He rode alongside me for eleven miles, possibly because that’s the pace he would have gone, but probably because he was being nice and riding at my speed.   He gave me many tips about riding that will serve me well when I do the triathlon later next month.   It was a great day for a ride.   I got home without being tired, which is a good thing since I have to swim 1500 meters in a lake before the bike ride, ride an additional twenty miles and then run ten kilometers before I finish the race.