I've been collecting phrases to use with my children. We seem to be stuck in a land of, "NO!" a lot with toddlers because they are forever doing things we don't want them to do. It's a challenge to try and look at a situation and determine if it's really something the child shouldn't be doing (something unsafe) or something you wouldn't personally do, but might not be a big deal (like putting the cups into the drawer with the bowls.) Ultimately, we're working to, "find the 'yes'" wherever possible.
Have you ever wondered why small children go through the "no" phase early on? It's probably because it's one of the words your child hears from you on a regular basis. Coming up with ways to say, "you can do this" instead of, "no, you can't do that" is a challenge. For instance, you can tell a child that just threw their napkin on the floor, "you can throw your napkin in the trash can." And then you can wait for them to do so. If they don't, you could say, "I see you're having a difficult time putting the napkin in the trash, do you need some help?" Children like to be independent, so this does the trick a good portion of the time. If that doesn't get action, you can say, "I'm going to help you" and then you can physically take the child and escort them through the procedure. And they really don't like that. Keep that level of expectation firm and unwavering, and you'll start to see the rebellion diminish--and all without negative phrasing.
"No yelling inside!" versus, "we use our quiet voices inside" "We sit in our chairs" versus, "no standing on your chair!" "No hitting!" versus, "we use our gentle hands. Please go check on your friend to see if she is okay." It's been a big learning curve, but phrases like these come naturally now and we're really starting to see the benefit. Oh, and our favorite phrase of all: "<XXX> is not available." Many, many, many things aren't available to a child: knives, the stove, a chainsaw, your cellphone, the drivers seat of the car, but instead of saying "no," you let the child know it's not available. It might not be available right now, or until they've cleaned up their plate from lunch, or maybe even until their seventeen. "Not available" works wonders and it's not "no."
My latest, favorite phrase is, "that's not a safe choice." Children are forever doing things that make you cringe. They're going to leap off the back of the sofa or they want to swing a stick around when there are other people near. It might not be a safe choice to climb up the slide when your friend is about to slide down and knock your teeth out. I like this phrase. I'm working on integrating it into my "child management vernacular."
I'm keeping a list of these phrases as I happen upon them. When I started the list, each and every phrase was unique and something to work on. It's a good sign now that when I read back over them, they all look like things of course you'd say. It wouldn't make sense to say anything else. I guess that means I'm making progress as a mom.
The Big Boy Update: "Let me show you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse." Okay, this was hilarious. This morning my son was playing with an app on the iPad that you could talk to and it would talk back to you. It was a snowball. You could interact with it in several ways and it seemed, I suppose to my son, like it was alive. After a few minutes he took the iPad, walked the talking snowball into the living room and said to it, "let me show you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse." It's a pity he has no idea how to turn on the television.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: No ice cream for dessert. She had a lesson tonight. She wanted ice cream for dessert. Her brother and I were enjoying ours because we had finished our chicken. She dawdled, she got a warning that her food was going to be put up shortly because when she starts to play with her food, that tells me she's done eating (another good parental phrase we like to use). She heard me but continued to bide her time, so her food got taken away and she got no ice cream. It was a glorious tantrum that yielded no ice cream for her. I used another one of our phrases and said, "next time, maybe you'll remember to finish your chicken so you can enjoy ice cream for dessert."
Fitness Update: Nothing still! I'm taking a few days off--it was a long run on Sunday.
No comments:
Post a Comment