I have a truly remarkable man as a husband. I have joked many a time saying I don't know why he puts up with me. He is of the most even temperament, managing the children with a calm demeanor while I'm losing my temper and using a colorful array of four-letter words. He is of the, "never mind" mentality, meaning he never minds doing something and never complains.
I am forever worrying that I'm not pulling my weight, doing my share, making even all the things that are required in managing the household, our children and our lives. Sometimes I reflect on the things we each contribute and when I think of all he does, I question if my contributions are equivalent in weight.
In a marriage, things tend to divide out into jurisdictions or alternately in turns. For example, taking out the trash is my husband's jurisdiction. He's good at it and I'm glad he likes the job of wedging all the recycling into the bin for recycling day. I'm responsible for coordinating sitters. He does the taxes and I tally and document all medical expenses for him to add into the taxes. I manage the children's clothing, changing with the seasons, retiring worn out or too small items and getting new clothes when needed. He cooks meals.
These things we've gravitated into because we prefer to do them over other things. I would rather do my jobs than his and he feels the same about my jobs. Some things we take it in turn to do. We both grocery shop. It doesn't matter who goes, we both can get the job done as well as the other person. We can both ger the children wrangled into bed ("wrangled" being the word to best describe the forceful encouragement needed to get to reticent children to go to sleep each night.). The dishes get put into the dishwasher and put away clean by whoever gets there first (or possibly last).
We get it all done. Sometimes though, I don't feel like I'm doing as much as I should. And since my husband never, ever complains, how am I to know? We each take time to do our own things, to get away from family life and have some fun without having to be the parent constantly on the job.
Tomorrow, my husband leaves for a week of skiing with my best friend's family and some of their friends. A few years ago we all went as a family. It was fun but wasn't something we wanted to do every year. My husband, on the other hand, could go skiing multiple times each year. He told me tonight he felt guilty leaving tomorrow. Hs came after a bout of whining on my part about being tired and wanting to go to sleep and he was downstairs, watching a second movie without movie night friends while I was upstairs, still managing things—something I'd been doing for several hours.
He shouldn't feel guilty for leaving; this was a good thing. He was going to have fun. We would be fine here and we were all glad he was going on the trip. I suppose I'm not alone in worrying I don't do enough all the time. I still think he does more than I do. I'm glad he's getting away for the week.
The Big Boy Update: My som has continued to change the color of his lightsaber multiple times per hour. He did so during breakfast when he got home and just before singing the happy birthday song for our friend tonight. The cake was lit only with candles and his purple lightsaber.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: My daughter is fine after the car accident yesterday in her cab (minivan). Her driver is eight months pregnant and is fine as well. This morning I asked her if she wanted to go to the chiropractor again, that if she was in pain in her neck or back, we could go. Typically she would say no, but this morning, she said yes. She was doing well, the chiropractor said. I think, after asking her some questions, that she said yes because she wanted to have me drive her to school instead of going in the cab. She had a new driver this afternoon. She liked this driver a lot. Perhaps she'll have her next week until her regular driver's school transportation vehicle is repaired or a replacement is found.
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