My husband was packing to leave for a week skiing this morning when I headed off with the children to Aditi's birthday party. Aditi is my daughter's close friend and the other VI student in her class. They've known each other for three years now and have become quite close. So I was surprised when my daughter started saying how she didn't want to go to the party on the ride.
She had multiple reasons, but the main one was that she didn't like bowling. She's bowled before with her father, brother, and me and had what I thought was an enjoyable time. We had the bumpers pulled up, she got to pick her bowling ball from the collection on the rack, and we used that little ramp thing to let her roll her ball down the lane without having the need to swing and release the ball. I reminded her of this, but it didn't make any difference, she didn't like bowling, and that was that.
We told her there was suppose to be an arcade at the location, but she didn't want to play games. She was unhappy and became more so as I pressed her, saying when Aditi came to her party, she was polite and did all our activities without complaining. My daughter said that it was because she liked what we did at her party. It was getting fairly bad, with my daughter being negative about everything associated with the party. She didn't want to see Aditi or eat food or do anything.
I became firm, telling her I was disappointed in her that this was a party to celebrate Aditi's birthday, not a time to be selfish and complain that it wasn't something you wanted to do. After some more defiant and negative comments from her, I said with that attitude she could stay in the car, and her brother and I would go in, and I would explain to Aditi's mother that she wasn't going to be able to come in.
I was hoping to turn her attitude around. It wasn't working. It upset her brother. He said he was staying in the car too if she couldn't go in. I told him he wasn't helping, that he was supporting her poor behavior in not wanting to go in. He got pretty upset and screamed at me to stop being mean to his sister (which was super sweet to see him be so protective of her.)
He asked if she could please come inside to the party. I told him she absolutely could, and I hoped she would, but she wasn't saying anything about changing her attitude. That was all she needed to do—to tell me she would participate, without complaint, bowling, and anything else that happened at the party. My son asked her to please come in to the party. She remained silent. My son said, "I think I know why you don't want to bowl. It's because you're worried you won't be good at it and don't want to be embarrassed."
And that's when we got the real reason. My daughter said, "no, it's not that." He asked her what was it then? she said, "The truth is, I'm afraid of bowling." I was floored. She put up a huge fight, got in trouble, and was willing to miss the party and sit in the car, all because she was scared to go bowling and didn't want to tell me.
Now that I knew, it all made sense. We asked my daughter what she was scared of. She didn't want to fall down. I vaguely remember her walking on to the lane at one point the last time we went bowling and slipped, falling because the lane itself is very oily. It's hard to see the oil if you don't know it's there, but right over the foul line, the wood is covered with oil, so the bowling balls slide and roll more easily.
I talked to her, saying I would be with her, and I would make sure she didn't get close to the edge of the lane and would help her bowl all her balls. We told her no one needed to know she was scared, and we'd make sure together that she had a good time. She agreed, and that was that with the bad attitude, it was gone as if it had never been there. It was all fear.
My daughter did very well bowling, getting a spare on the first frame, closing the first frame of anyone at the party. All the cheering for her did a lot for her self-confidence. She was doing so well she was a contender for first place on her lane. She ended up third out of seven with only a few pins from taking first place.
She had a good time the whole party after finding out her classmates and good friends were there. She is well-liked at school and supported positively by the other students, not treated as though she has a disability. It's nice to see the other students and parents treat her as though she's just another child in the group.
My son had a great time. He can jump into a crowd of children he's never met before and make instant friends. He's more easy going around newly met friends. All three of us enjoyed the party and the friends we celebrated with.
The Big Boy Update: After bowling today, we all went to the arcade where we had game cards that were open play for an hour. My son and I started playing a zombie killing game with machine guns. He and I were doing well as a team, beating back hoards of zombie alien monsters. During downtimes and cut scenes, I would swipe the card again, building up credits for our regular demise and the large "Continue?" message that would pop up on the screen when we'd run out of health. My son's arms must have gotten tired holding the large gun because he wanted to quit after playing through four chapters. We left the game with ten credits on it, handing the weapons over to two boys who'd been watching us and waiting for a turn.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: We got home today and as is typical, were greeted by the dog. When our dog greets us, she goes into a near frenzy of joyous energy. My daughter, upon grabbing the dog said, "can you handle all this happiness?"
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