Bigger Than My Body

Something happened the other night in the middle of the night that reminded me of my childhood.   I had woken up around four in the morning and had nerve pain.  Some days are good, other days are bad.   As I lay there in bed, my arms had a burning feeling like a high-pitched, almost inaudible burn. I can’t explain it any other way.   The sensation isn’t stabbing, it’s not jarring, it’s not sharp.   The only way I can get close to explaining it is to compare the feeling to a high-pitched sound.   Crazy, no?

Crazy as it may be, that’s what it feels like and it’s irritating to deal with because it’s prevalent enough that I’m not going to be able to ignore it to go back to sleep.   I took some Lyrica—a medication that helps, is a non-addictive non-narcotic, non-side effect medication that really helps me a lot—and I lay there in bed, waiting for it to work.

As I lay there, not being able to get back to sleep I suddenly felt like my arms were huge.   They were enormous in my mind.   Perhaps this was because the amount of mental energy I had on them made them take a large portion of my focus.   It wasn’t scary or strange, it’s like when you stub your toe and for the life of you, the only thing your brain can see (and scream about) is that one little toe.

But back to this “bigger than my body” feeling.   I had a flashback from my childhood.  I think I must have been fairly young, under ten perhaps, when this would happen to me every so often at night.  Suddenly I would feel like my body was huge, swallowing me in its enormousness.   It was an overwhelming feeling and I didn’t know what to do about it.   I remember getting out of bed one time and meeting my mother in the hallway.   Explaining to her what was happening didn’t go over well, mostly because I didn’t know how to explain it and my mother didn’t know what I’d experienced.

She took me back to the bed and by that time the simple act of getting out of bed and focusing on something else had caused the sensation to go away.    I lay back down, told her thanks for helping and went on to sleep.

Today, I can’t explain it any better than I could when I was a child.   It’s fascinating though how a sensation forty years later can trigger sensations and memories from your past.

The Big Boy Update:  During music therapy today my son liked two songs which are sad.   He seemed to be connecting with them so Chelsea played them again.   They were “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter and “Horse With No Name” by America.  We’re going to play them on Alexa to see if he wants to hear them some more.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  During music therapy today my daughter noticed something different about Chelsea.   Typically, Chelsea keeps her hair up but she had her long hair down.   My daughter said to her, “you look different; can you put your hair back where it goes?”