Hunger and Dilemma

To bulk and cut,
To gain and stay,
To eat or not,
I cannot say.

So many thoughts running through my head daily about eating, weight and exercise.  When I had extra weight I needed to lose, there was a clear goal.  I had to eat less.  I could exercise and eat more if I wanted, but whatever I did, I needed to eat less than I burned.

Things are less clear now.  How much should I weigh?  I haven't had muscles before, and I know those muscles weight more than they did in their prior, whimpy form of six months ago.  How does that additional muscle weight factor into my ideal body weight?

I'm running longer distances and running more per week.  How does that affect my metabolism?  Can I sustain more calories per day as a general intake rule because I'm exercising more in general?

Should I "bulk and cut" by gaining some pounds and letting them turn into muscles (as well as fat) and then cut the fat by follow-on dieting?  If so, how much is enough to gain and then subsequently lose?

And can we talk about desserts for just a minute?  Because I'm having a problem with desserts.  All of them.  All I want is desserts.  And candy.  And sweets.  And chocolate.  I think I've got a little sugar problem of late.

The sugar problem is nothing new, it's something I've had all my life and no, I'm not an impending diabetic.  It's like many things, the more you have, the more you want.  It's the same with alcohol with me.  While pregnant, I wasn't drinking.  I lost the taste of alcohol and just didn't want any.  But when I've been drinking regularly at meals or social occasions, I've noticed I want alcohol more than if I was drinking none.  It's the same with sweets.  The more I eat, the more I want.

So let me summarize:  I am struggling with hunger levels and appetite.  I'm struggling with it being okay to gain weight (I have gained a few pounds intentionally.)  And I'm struggling with turning the appetite and cravings back off so I can get back to the spot I was in while I was dieting where I only wanted what my body needed.

Food shouldn't have such a draw to us.  I watch my children, who don't understand how high-value a particular food is like a brownie, and I marvel that they don't need it and don't care about it.  I want that brownie because I know how decadent it is and how much I really don't need it.

Eating is such an important part of our lives that it's hard to put food in it's place and look at it appropriately.

The Big Boy Update:  Pacifier oh no.   He was doing so well that we thought he didn't want his pacifier for bedtime and naps.  Only he was having a hard time going to sleep.  And he would wail.  And he was taking long times to go to sleep.  But if you offered him the pacifier he'd tell you, "no no no no" and push it away.  If he had only said another word he knows well, "broken," we would have figured out much sooner that he desperately wanted a pacifier, but one that worked.  Sleep time is going much more smoothly now.  It's quieter too.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  Juice.  I have no idea if I wrote about Juice or not.  But she knows how to ask for juice.  It sounds like "jooose" but it's close enough.  She says "dadda" or sometimes "daddy" and she says "hi" back to you too.  She is so smiley.  Also, she has diaper rash.  She's not smiley when you change her diaper.  But other than that, she's a happy baby.

Fitness Update:  Four days of no exercise.  Today I ran to the art museum and met my family there to look at the exterior art work.  It was about four miles there.  My husband rode his bike and my in-laws and brother-in-laws met us there with the children in the car.  We walked around a good bit and went up to the big bridge at the far point of the museum.  I ran back when we were done.  10.25 miles total, but about 1.5 was walking.  A good day though.

Someone Once Said:  I can recognize a fact when I fall over it.