Trauma Based Anxiety

It’s been a busy day here.   And I only realized I completely failed on something as we were getting my wailing and moaning daughter ready for bed after a long day, finished off with a long dinner with close friends—I had completely forgotten to do drops.

It’s not like we’ve been doing drops every day for four years or anything.   We got some in, but not nearly as many rounds of the steroid drop we should have.   My husband was busy the whole day with real estate work in the morning followed by pulling off our neighborhood pool party completely by himself, save for people who helped while they were there at the pool during the party.

Everyone left my husband by the end of the party and he scrambled to get the last things in the car, back in the clubhouse and returned to other people so he could get home, shower quickly and head off to dinner with us.   It all went well, with us realizing before my son ate anything at the Korean restaurant with food being ordered family style by my best friend and just appearing at the table, that we’d better find out which dishes had peanuts or fish in them.

I gave my son a prophylactic Benadryl and he successfully avoided all allergens while managing to consume more food by relative body weight than anyone else in the group of fourteen of us.  We didn’t take any leftovers home because our refrigerator is stacked full outside with an entire Mexican serve yourself bar full of food items from the pool party.   We’re going to share some with people tomorrow as it’s far too much for us to finish alone—even though we love that specific restaurant’s food.

My daughter was doing somewhat better today, with me spending some time with her doing things she loves like making pictures in braille on her typewriter.   I call out the symbols and she types them.   We made a large teddy bear and she memorized how to make a small heart she can add to her free work whenever she wants.

She still had trouble though, quite a lot of it.   I had texted Dhruti last night and she replied that from my brief description, coupled with the knowledge she got from my daughter's recent therapy session she had, she thinks my daughter is suffering from trauma based anxiety.  It’s not going to be a quick fix unfortunately, given what I was telling her.  Dhruti thinks it’s fairly serious.

We don’t know what the, “trauma” is.   Is it the surgery itself?   She seems to have no problems with the eye and has the vision she had prior to surgery from what we can tell.   Is it the restrictions on her activities for two weeks while the eye heals?   Is it the new school year and new grade which is much more academically serious than last year?   We don’t know, but it’s affecting her all day long and with everyone she interacts with.

She’s going to see Dhruti twice a week for the next month, which is more than we’ve needed in the past with her.   She goes long stretches without needing to see Dhruti at all.   Dhruti has even, “graduated” her when she’s been doing well and doesn’t need her.   This is going to take some getting to the bottom of.   Unfortunately, there is only one open appointment next week and we’re going to let my daughter have it.   If something cancels my husband and I will take the appointment to discuss what we can do to support her and how her teachers can approach things while she’s at school.   In the meantime, I have a call scheduled with the occupational therapist, who also works with similar situations, only from a different direction.

So it would appear it isn’t just me and it isn’t that my daughter doesn’t like me.   It’s her coping with trauma and dealing with a large amount of anxiety as a result.

The Big Boy Update:  My son got to the pool today and completely managed himself, made friends and played in the pool for hours.   He’s only eleven months older than my daughter, but he’s entirely different from a parenting perspective.   He’s not necessarily more mature, he just doesn’t have the same amount of need she does.   My daughter wants to be equally independent, it’s just not possible unfortunately.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter wanted to go get ice cream after dinner tonight but it was too late.   My husband and I know she’s struggling right now but she pushed and pushed, cried and wailed, wouldn’t stop asking why, complaining and moaning about it on the way home.   My son lost it and pinched or punched her, which he got in trouble for and yet she still could’t let the ice cream go.   We offered to give her ice cream at home, but it wasn’t the same.   She pushed back so hard on that, using ugly words, that she lost the opportunity to have that option.   The night ended badly for her.   We tried being positive for as long as we could, but it’s like she wants to get in trouble.   I know that’s not the case, I just don’t know how to diffuse the situation.   We try every option we can come up with but she escalates so much she only loses in the end.   I really need to get some advice from Liz or Dhruti soon so we can keep this from happening more.  It’s very hard on her I know.