The Eventually Club

Children are rarely in a hurry—unless they are.   When you most need them to be in a hurry is the time they’re guaranteed to mosey, dither, dawdle and delay.   From talking to other parents we’re not alone in this, it seems to be a skill children level up quickly and master from a young age.

This morning my son and I were in the drop-off line at school.   We arrive, I open the door and all my son has to do is unbuckle, grab his backpack and exit the car.   Simple.   And yet daily this seems to be a task my son needs to be asked to perform instead of it happening as a matter of routine.   He wants to play a game where he pretends he’s asleep, or he hides in the third row of the car, or he wants to tell me something “important” or he just delays.    Today I told the teacher calmly waiting for him to get out of the car, “we’re members of ’The Eventually Club’”.   And eventually, just as promised, my son got out of the car to head in to class.

We’ve instituted a new system of stamps for behaviors in the last few days.   Things my children like to do aren’t necessarily a given any more—they have to earn the privilege by completing tasks, mostly in a timely manner without complaining or whining.  

The things we’re asking them to do aren’t hard; they’re mostly things we want them to take initiative to do or do with us only asking one time.   Or do without whining and complaining.   It’s set up so they can succeed and easily get stamps on their chart on the refrigerator such as: washing your hands after going to the bathroom, brushing your teeth without being reminded, getting dressed and ready for bed without being asked, cleaning up your dishes from a meal, getting shoes and socks on before school, playing outside for an hour or more, etc.    It’s rigged so they can win and more importantly so we can win too because they’re doing the jobs willingly, without being asked or nagged.

We’ve been working on the reward system with things such as time on the iPad or television.   Doing an experiment with a parent, picking the restaurant for the next time we go out to dinner, having a treat at a time you normally wouldn’t get one or going shopping at the dollar store.  Each of these items has a weight in stamps they can spend (i.e. cross out) on their chart.   So far no one has been willing to spend stars yet, but it’s Friday and they’ve got the weekend to figure out what they want to do with their stamp currency.

The Big Boy Update:   My son loved Parkour at first but now that he’s in the second level class he hates it.   It’s a different kind of class and he finds it boring.   Today when I reminded him about class after school he was bitterly angry, telling me, “I’m not going to go.   This is your punishment, losing the money you spent.”

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter just came in the door from school.   She came in and said to me, “can you please stop making me walk?   I’ve been walking all day long at school.”