In Just A Minute…

I have gotten frustrated at what I seem to hear frequently with children.   Say something unpleasant is happening like cleaning and bandaging a bad knee scrape and the words, “I’ll be done in just a minute” are used  The message is genuine, but the fact that that same “just a minute” message might be said again, and again, and again, can cause a  child to distrust the message overall.

My daughter had a hard time yesterday at the dentist and we all (including our dentist) wanted the procedure over as quickly as possible.   Was it longer because my daughter was upset, crying, combative and resistive a good portion of the time?   Yes, it was significantly longer.    But the message she heard I don’t know, at least ten times was, “in one more minute, I’ll be done”.  Done, yes, but only that step in the filling process.  

A while back I became more aware of these, “kind lies” we as adults tell to children because of something my daughter said.   She said, “they always say it won’t hurt, but it always does.”  

I made a mistake yesterday (I think) by not preparing my daughter for what was going to happen at the dentist.   She was fine until the needle.  I think I should have warned her about the overall filling process at a high-level such as, “it will hurt for just a bit and then your mouth will go numb and they will work on your tooth to make it  better.”    I think she would have understood and hopefully been able to go through the procedure more calmly.

I try to not tell those “kind lies” to my children.   I hear other parents saying things over and over such as, “we’re almost there” when there is still a significant duration to drive in the car.   Or maybe there is one more mile to run, which isn’t “almost there” by any stretch, and yet it gets thrown around as a phrase every time says they’re tired of running.

In the end, parents are all trying to help, trying to comfort and trying to calm a child who is having a hard time about something.   My way may not be any better, but it makes more sense to me.

The Big Boy Tiny Girl Tree Conversation:  My son was mad the other morning going to school.   Things just weren’t going his way and he had to get it out somehow.   He suddenly burst out, “I hate trees.   I want to cut all the trees down” and then he made a grumping sound.    The next day my daughter and I were driving in the car after school.   She said, “look at those beautiful trees.”   I was happy she could see the trees, although I’m fairly certain they’re just a green blob to her.   Then she said, “My brother wanted to cut them all down yesterday.”   She and I decided it was best to keep the beautiful trees as they were.