Our children are very independent. They’re not clingy, they don’t cower and they even enjoy launching off and discovering something new. That’s not true one-hundred percent of the time, but it is in most situations and environments. Children have innate personality traits and this makes each of our children different in their own way. That notwithstanding, I believe firmly that we have had a lot to do with their independence.
A child who can only find comfort in the arms of a parent in a new or novel situation, is a child who may be more timid, more shy and more likely to avoid something just because they need support to have the confidence to try something new.
My husband and I from early on were known to say things like, “my arms aren’t available to hold your right now, but you can go over and look at the friendly dog yourself, if you’d like.” When you make yourself emotionally unavailable to a child in a safe situation where they can stretch their boundaries and try something new, they gain new-found confidence in themselves when they’re successful.
We made sure our children had no comfort items like “lovies” that were a requisite for them to feel safe and secure in every day situations. We encouraged them to stretch their boundaries and intentionally didn’t help in cases that would have been easy to step in, saying, “Mr. Bubbles the clown is nice, you can sit on my lap if you want. I’ll be here for you. It’s okay. Don’t worry. Etc.” We didn’t over-reassure, giving our children any reason or cause to think the situation they found themselves in was anything other than regular or normal.
Today, I was proud of both my children. We went to Tweetsie Railroad with some friends. My children got in and out of the stroller as they became tired, but they never once had to be held by my husband or me. They ran off to the train-shaped bounce house and didn’t even care when we went to an area off to the side, out of sight, because they had confidence we would be there for them if there was a need.
There were rides, some of them pretty exciting. My three-year-old excitedly went of with my husband to ride the chair lift that went up and above the park. My son and daughter both wanted to ride the Rainbow and Round Up and were quite disappointed to find out they were inches too short and several years too young to go. They scoffed at the merry-go-round, opting for the Tilt-a-Whirl instead and eagerly leaned into the spin of our car so we could spin faster. And I don’t think I’ll forget my daughter giggling and laughing as we zipped around in the Tweetsie Twister.
When they were younger, sometimes it was hard not picking them up or cuddling them when they were anxious, but it was always a pleasure to watch as they gained confidence in themselves in their ability to experience new things.
The Big Boy Update: We rode on the Tweetsie Railroad train today. About half-way through, the train stops at a fort structure and the engineer says, “we’ve got a situation here, there may be Indians in the area…” Then a cowboy and Indian show ensues. In the middle of the show, my son said, “is this a situation?” Then after it was over he told us, “I want to see another situation.”
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: We were in line for ice cream at the park this afternoon. My daughter said to me, “mom, are you getting dripping drops?” I told her they were called, Dippin’ Dots but now that she mentioned it, about five minutes after we purchase them, they do tend to turn into dripping drops.
Fitness Update: It was a hard day to quantify exercise-wise. We only walked four miles in the amusement park today, but those miles were up and down the side of a lush, green mountain. I got home and ran two-and-a-half miles in the heat up and down some fierce hills (and I walked a bit to be truthful.) Then, I went and ate a lot of dinner. Delicious dinner.
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