A can of cranberry sauce has special space-time properties. Not every can of cranberry sauce exhibits these characteristics, but each can has the capability inherent in it's makeup.
Most cans of cranberry sauce are purchased around the time of Thanksgiving and are immediately put to use at a Thanksgiving or holiday meal. But some cranberry sauce cans are bought for the "what if no one remembered cranberry sauce" contingency. It's an easy dish to bring, it doesn't go bad and if someone has already brought cranberry sauce, then it doesn't need to be opened and served. It's these latter cans that cause all the trouble.
These extra cans sit around because people commonly associate cranberry sauce with only one main meal a year. Not to worry, that bonus can of cranberry sauce can just go back into the pantry because it wasn't needed. And that's when the time warping begins.
It's January and you might notice the unused can of cranberry sauce, but you're not in the mood for it and honestly, are there any dishes that feature cranberry sauce, because you've never heard of them. Surely there are loads of cranberry sauce delights but as you're not in the mood for cranberry sauce this month, no recipes are looked up on the internet and you leave the pantry. The can conveniently is out of your mind again.
As the months go by, the can of cranberry sauce waxes and wanes in it's perceptibility. Sometimes you notice it and think it's taking up space and how did you get stuck with this can because you know you're not going to ever get around to doing something with it. Perhaps there will be a food drive sometime and it can be donated, you think.
And then sometimes you hardly notice it. That can has been a fixture on the shelf for so long it's faded into the general roar of all the other foodstuffs. It's during this time of year that the can enables it's protective feature of invisibility. Because it knows you've had enough and are likely to throw it out.
Soon fall arrives and the can realizes it's got a good chance to fulfill it's original mission, that of becoming cranberry sauce served at a Thanksgiving dinner. At this point the can enables it's"pass it along" feature. You remember the can just when a friend or dinner guest suggests that they need to buy cranberry sauce. "Wait!" you say, "I have a can you can have. Don't go to the store. Save your money." If you play it well, the unsuspecting friend won't hear the desperation in your voice. They won't realize you checked the expiration date and you can give it away guilt-free because cranberry sauce has a long long shelf life.
Deep breaths of relaxation. The can is finally passed off. You look at the empty spot on the shelf and think of all the meaningful food items you can place there now. You vow this isn't going to happen again. Not this year. You did not sign up for cranberry sauce and you're not even going near the cranberry aisle in the supermarket.
That's when the call goes out. The cans have a sub-ether communication system. They sense your weakness. They cavort amongst themselves and contact an unsuspecting dinner guest. "Bring a spare can of cranberry sauce to dinner" they whisper. They send thoughts of a meal without an anchor of delicious cranberry sauce and a feeling of mild despair spurns the guest into action. "I must buy cranberry sauce!" thinks the guest. And like it or not, you now have an unexpected, unneeded, unwanted can of cranberry sauce, delivered by a smiling happy holiday guest. "Thank you," you hear yourself say.
This year's score: Cranberry sauce-1 Me-0.
The Big Boy Update: Words. I can't even keep up with all the words he knows now. It's a torrent. He may know of a word, but hasn't had a chance to use it yet and since he can now pronounce things on a first try basis, he may have never said that word before, but now he's using it in a sentence. Children are remarkable.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: A Tisket a Tasket. Uncle Fred and Aunt Barbara gave my daughter this cute, strange, quirky little doll that sings, "A Tisket a Tasket" if you press the button in the hand just so. Also, if you squeeze the stomach, the mouth opens in an errie "O" shape that makes all adults laugh. She loves this thing. She likes to carry it around the house. It's the first "carry all" she's had. It is quite charming, especially since her balance is only so-so.
Someone Once Said: I am strong for women’s rights but was never taken in by unisex nonsense. I don’t yearn to be equal. I don’t begrudge men one whit of their natural advantages as long as they respect mine. I am not an unhappy pesudomale; I am female and like it that way.
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