Starbucks School

Remember how I decided it would be nice to like coffee some months back?  Remember how I succeeded?  Then remember how I decided I liked "foffee" otherwise known as fake coffee—although I think fluffy coffee would be an equally appropriate designation—over regular coffee?  I am now taking it a step further; I've decided to go to Starbucks school.

You didn't know Starbucks had a school?  They don't per se, but it is something you need to attend if you intend to be effective in ordering one of their beverages.  First, there is no small, medium or large sizes.  They have special names.  You probably already knew that as Starbucks pioneered the complicated coffee shop genre.

Next, you need to know the names and differences between the fancy drinks.  For instance, what's a latte and what's a frappachino? Here's a hint, one is a hot drink and the other is a frozen, blended drink.  Note that you can order most drinks in either hot or iced or frozen blended form.  I got a cold drink one time when I expected a hot drink.  It seemed I needed to do some studying up in the beverage temperature realm.  But once you get the basics straight, you can graduate to more advanced classes at Starbucks University.

For instance, there are certain number of "pumps" of the various flavored syrups in some of their drinks.  If you know how many there are by default (and this changes based on drink and drink size) then you can ask for less or more.   You can also ask for "no froth" or "no whip" if you don't want whip cream or the frothy milk on the top of your drink.  The syrup pumps and whip options are key if you're looking for a lower-calorie version of a specific beverage.

You can ask for a certain type of milk such as, soy, non-fat, low-fat, etc.  Oh, and did you want less milk (read calories) and more coffee?  You can go with less milk by percentage and replace the missing volume with brewed coffee instead of espresso.  That is, if you know how to ask for it.

So you've got an idea about your options, right?  But do you know how to waltz up to the counter (or zoom up to the drive-through speaker) and place your order?  Because this is your final exam.  When you know how to place complex, custom orders, you get your graduation gown, cap and diploma.

Back to my studying as I had a long way to go.  It took me a while to realize they don't care what order you give them the vital statistics of your drink, so long as you get them out.  There may well be some flexible register software to make this happen, or their employees went to Starbucks Graduate school.

When you place your custom order, you want to state the beverage size (tall, grande, venti,) add the category of your drink (latte, frappuccino, mocha.)  Is it a special drink like the winter "Pumpkin Spice" beverage?  If so, you need to specify that.  You can give the type of milk you want (non-fat, low-fat, whole, etc.) and any special requests like "three pump."  Did you want to eliminate the whip cream?  If so, add "no whip" and then if you have additional requests like "extra hot" add that on in.

Do you have all the individual word-phrases you need to say to get your custom drink just the way you want it?  Are you mentally prepared to be greeted by the Starbucks order taker and confidentally say, without stumbling, "Venti three-pump non-fat pumpkin spice latte, no whip, extra hot?"

Is there any wonder I've almost gone into mental freeze-out when confronted with the order taker?  I've had to hang up the phone before getting to the drive through line because I had to get my mind ready to spew out all the descriptive words necessary to get my drink just so.  Sometimes, I've been ill-prepared and reverted to a standard item I can read directly off the menu board such as, "venti skinny vanilla latte, please."

I'm still studying for my diploma.  It may be a while yet before I graduate.

The Big Boy Update:  "Truck blah truck truck blah blah truck."  He is most definitely truck obsessed.  Yesterday from his room he could see dump trucks depositing dirt in one lot and a cement mixer delivering cement across the street.  I'm not sure what he was saying, but about one in four of his words were "truck."

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  Hiking up her dress.  She wore her new birthday dress from Mimi and Gramps yesterday for the first time.  She hasn't had a dress on that was so long before and she didn't know quite what to do with it.  She decided to grab both sides and hike it up and then walk around.  She looked just like a little lady stepping over puddles for a while.  

Fitness Update:  Sore from yesterday's ten miles.  I suppose that combined with the P90X from the day before was a lot more muscular exertion than I realized.  Tomorrow my neighbor and I do a "turkey day run," as she's been calling it.  Hopefully the sore will be gone.

Someone Once Said:  The trouble with “the people’s right to know” is that is strongly resembles the “right” of someone to be a concert pianist–but who does not want to practice.