My Job is More or Less to Be Helpless

This past week we had my son's first parent-teacher conference.  His two teachers are a delight, both so bubbly and enthuiastic and we discussed not only how things were going, but funny things my son was doing in the classroom and with other children.  We also talked about scratch-and-sniff stickers, but that's a topic for another blog post.

One thing I want to do very much, is continue with the good behavioral expectations they set at school.  Sometimes, just hearing a phrase they use at school makes a huge difference in how we work through things with my son at home.

For example, when he was being evaluated, he was asked, "do you need help?  Can I help you?"  He responded well to this, he was given help, and he was able to accomplish the task he had been intent on doing.  Just those few key words and my husband and I immediately adopted them at home.

In short order, my son was asking for, "help, help" all the time, because he knew what to ask and we knew when he wanted help, as opposed to wanting independence to discover or figure it out by himself.  We continue to ask him if he needs help and he regularly requests help.

So at our parent-teacher conference, I asked if there was a book that gave a summary or list of phrases to use with your toddler so that you can communicate in a mutually beneficial fashion.  We were pointed to a book, but there's not just a handy list, say for the pressed-for-time moms to absorb.  Still, we got some good tips.

First of all, the phrase, "You'll be ready when..." has benefits all across the board.  For example, "you'll be ready to finger paint when you've cleaned up the toys you pulled out." Or, "you'll be ready for dessert when you've finished your broccoli."

Other words and phrases include: "gentle hands," "personal space," "your turn and my turn," and "respect."  We're already using every one of these at home.

But the best tip I think I got was one his teacher said sort of as an aside.  She said, "My job is more or less to be helpless."  Wait, what?  You're the teacher, I thought.  And then it all made sense.  She said she goes around the classroom all day and says to the children, "Amos, can you show me where this tray goes?" or "Eliza, can you help me to clean off the tables before snack?"

This is empowering to a child.  A toddler is inferior to adults.  That's the way it just is.  But the toddler wants to be in control, wants to be useful, wants to be needed.  An adult who is helpless, but helpless in a structured manner with direction and purpose, is exactly what can help a child develop most.  Brilliant. 

I'm going to have to work on being helpless more.

The Big Boy Update:  School update:  He's doing well, is very social, likes to get right into other children's personal space, but is learning how to be respectful.  He is still working on toilet training with a little more success at school than at home, but there is clearly more work to be done.  The key seems to be to get him to find wet underpants uncomfortable.  He doesn't seem to care.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  Hair.  Her hair is growing, but it's growing so slowly.  She has pretty, straight, blonde hair and I'm looking forward to seeing what it will look like when it's longer.  I think it's going to be a while at the rate her hair is growing though.

Someone Once Said:  When I find myself a Stranger in a Strange Land, I savor the differences rather than suffering shock.