When You Don’t Let Them Do What You Want Them To Do

Sometimes as a parent you have to not let your children do something you actually want them to do—something that you might even have difficulty getting them to do in the first place.    Sometimes, this tactic is a long term win for a short term lose.

I’ve had an angry child who didn’t want to go to school and after being unceremoniously removed from the car on the side of the road, wanted nothing more in the world than to go to school.    Children are smart, but they don’t get some of the more involved schemes we use to get desirable behaviors.

Friday night both children were tired after a long day at school, the pool and then playing with their friends.   My daughter didn’t want to brush her teeth (or do anything else for that matter) and decided to be uncooperative on every level possible.   I was hurting her she said, this being one of her favorite complaints when she’s tired, cranky or just wants to get her way.    She didn’t know how to brush her teeth, she needed my help to do it, I was hurting her by helping her, she wanted to spit at the mirror, you get the idea.

I decided to make a point of her not getting to brush her teeth—something she very much insists on doing every night as well as insisting on flossing her teeth.   I picked her up and said in that case, she didn’t get to brush her teeth and she could go straight to bed.   The operative word in that last sentence was “get” to brush her teeth instead of “have” to brush her teeth and she realized it immediately.

She was crazy upset.    She kicked and screamed, she said her mouth hadn’t been rinsed.   I had put her into the bed and told her if she wanted to rise her mouth she could get up and get some water from the sink in her bedroom.   She was livid.   She screamed some more.   She didn’t want to rinse, she wanted to brush her teeth.   I told her she could brush her teeth tomorrow.   She wailed.    She cried for daddy.    She went on and on, inconsolable because she wasn’t being allowed to do the very thing I tried seven different ways to get her to do only moments before.

She finally settled down and cried herself to sleep, still muttering about brushing her teeth and the total injustice of it all.  The next day she didn’t complain or protest when it was time to brush teeth.

The Big Boy Update:  During the above tooth brushing incident, my son was great.  He got into his bed without complaints.   However, he didn’t like how things were going down with his sister and me on the bunk below so he calmly informed me, “Mommy, you’re not getting any presents for Christmas.”

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  During my daughter’s wailing about not being allowed to brush her teeth she tried many tactics to get me to reverse my decision and let her have a second (fifth?) chance to brush her teeth.   My favorite was, “the only thing that cheers me up is brushing my teeth.”

Rock Tumbler Update:  Today was the end of the second week of tumbling.   We’re in the pre-polishing phase now for another week.   Our two-thirds full tumbler is now about one-third full, but the rocks don’t look too bad.   They’re wet and look shinier than they would dry, but here’s what we have as of today: