I’ve mentioned before how maddening it is to try and find out what my daughter can and cannot see and if things are changing from yesterday, last month, what she remembers in her mind from before she lost her vision, etc. It’s not that she doesn’t want to tell us, she isn’t mentally mature enough to be able to understand and explain what’s happening.
There’s something called the “Little Adult Fallacy” in which we presume a child thinks in the same way we do. We can get into all sorts of trouble expecting a child to understand things the way we do or behave in a way that makes sense to adults. For my daughter, I know she’s not a little adult, but I still try to sneak in probing questions to see if I can glean some meaningful insight based on her answers. Usually this just annoys her and I don’t get what I’m looking for.
Another downside to the questioning is when a child gives you the answer they think you want to hear because they want to please you or make you happy. Whenever I think I’ve gotten some good news about improved vision from my daughter, I always table my excitement until I watch to see if her behavior matches her words.
I’m rambling on about this because today was the first day my daughter had her new corrective lenses on all day. Could she see better? She went to school with her glasses on and this afternoon I picked her up to take her to gymnastics. I couldn’t help myself, I asked her in the car if she could see things better with her new lenses.
There was a little pause, which I think was her thinking about the question and then she said, “super duper duper duper better.” Trying to contain my excitement, remembering she was wearing her non-corrective sunglasses when I had picked her up, choosing not to wear the new glasses. But I pushed on, asking if it was better in the left eye, right eye or both eyes? (She has a prescription in both now, even though the retina is still detached in the left.) She thought about it and said, “both.”
Throwing caution to the wind I pressed on because she didn’t seem annoyed I was asking her questions about her eyes like she does sometimes, I asked her if it was easier to see things near or far? She replied, “near and far.”
There is some evidence to back this up from gymnastics too. She was able to watch what the teacher was doing from a reasonable distance and follow along. She has in the past made up something or just stood and looked uncomfortable when she couldn’t tell what was happening around her and didn’t know what to do.
They also had fun rolling a hula hoop across the floor and having my daughter chase after it. My daughter selected an orange hula hoop, which against a dark red floor was not the easiest contrast for her to see. As Ms. Julie rolled the hoop, my daughter could easily chase after it. She’s got good peripheral and motion vision, but they’ve never done this before. What happened next we had to repeat because we were so thrilled about it. Julie rolled the hoop and my daughter ran after it, catching up to it and then grabbing it as it was still rolling.
What happened next made my day. As my daughter and Julie were putting the hula hoop away my daughter, unsolicited, said to her, “I’m seeing so much better…since I got my new lenses.”
The Big Boy Update: Tonight at dinner my son suddenly said, “people of different color can marry each other.” I told him that was absolutely true. I asked him if they had talked about that at school. He leaned over the seat and pointed to a mix-race twosome sitting across the room and said, “It’s because of look at those people over there”. I told him that was a very good observation.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: My daughter likes dresses. I’ve always bought some and put them in her drawers and she’s worn them mostly when I picked them out for her but otherwise preferred shorts and pants. Lately she actively looks for dresses. This morning I was suggesting a shirt and shorts for school since she had gymnastics directly afterwards. She said, “but mom, I want to wear a dress.”
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