We're home from a long weekend visiting my parents in their mountain home. Everyone had a good time in their own way. I think my son loved spending time with Gramps, looking at his magic wand collection and running around the house, trying various wand effects on his family members. He particularly loved a wand the produced little flowers out of the tip onto people's clothing.
My daughter had a good time with Mimi, wanting to spend every minute with her and wanting Mimi's undivided attention. My husband and I slept late, which is always a rare treat. My mother worked very hard to have nice meals for us but we also ordered in and had some local barbecue we've enjoyed for many years.
The weather was rainy, but we did catch a break and were able to go to the playground at the local elementary school. It's a recent construction and has a lot of very exciting elements for children around the age of my two. They could have stayed for hours at the playground. We did go out for one meal where we were able to sit at one of the four outside tables of the restaurant in the back corner where no one was near us save for our masked waiter.
We had all wanted to make the trip for some time and I'm glad we made it. It was nice to see Gramps on his birthday and celebrate with him. It was also good to be able to do some of the tech support things my husband and I like to help out with that are infernally hard to do if you're not there in person. My husband and father worked for some time today on a dimmer switch in a hard to reach location between the refrigerator and the wall. They got it working in the end, even if the rest of us had finished lunch by the time they were done.
On the way home, we all got quiet for a while, some of us nodding off (me) and others of the family doing things like listening to audiobooks (my daughter), writing secret codes (my son) or driving (my husband). My husband said he liked the quiet time he got for that brief bit in the car.
We're not an easy family to get along with. There is a lot of high energy, high emotion, and conflict. We try to get them to have good manners, speak politely, listen, don't resort to physical antagonization or fighting, and don't yell. Unfortunately, that is my family. My husband and I try to instill all the characteristics in the children we think are important to help them be successful adults. My children push so hard back at us. So hard that I lose my temper. They don't listen, they intentionally do the opposite of what you're asking. Our children are experts at pushing buttons.
I lost my temper while we were there—several times—and my husband lost his temper once during the night when the children were having an all-and-all-out row over something that to an outsider, was silly but to them, was a crucial thing worth fighting over.
Is it nature or is it nurture? Do we have a chicken and the egg situation going on, or is it something that would happen regardless? I get the distinct sense that the belief is that the children have learned how to behave from me, and therefore they are little hellions. If only I were a kinder person, or, as my mother-in-law explained several times at length after taking care of the children recently, that talking in a calm, quiet voice made all the difference.
Yes, it does. I've done that and I've tried it all. So has my husband. It works to a point. My husband and I have a much lower tolerance threshold for their behavior. They are in the middle of some very challenging years. I'm going to continue to do my best, regardless of what other people think.
This post got off track, which wasn't my complete intention, but has been something that's been on my mind lately. Seeing our family dynamic is hard to some people. We have a blind child who is exceptionally sweet but can be the most inflexible, angry, spiteful, and rude person you've ever met. My son is quite smart but only wants to do what he wants to do and gets completely enraged when things don't go the way he envisioned them. When both children get in a mood at the same time and the situation is compounded because we're wanting them to be on their best behavior, well, things just snap.
To my parents, I'm sorry we had some challenges this weekend. We all had a very good time but I know there were some stressful moments. Children can be hard on everyone. I think our children will be strong, self-motivated adults based on their personalities to date. Getting them to become the adults I believe they have the capacity to be is going to be a decade more years of work here.
I don't know how to end this post other than the children had a great time this weekend and want to go back as soon as they can. They would each love to have a special trip to visit Mimi and Gramps by themselves. They have wonderful memories of being with their grandparents. My son, in particular, wants to go learn more magic with Gramps.
The Big Boy Update: My son is now all excited about magic again after this weekend.
The Tiny Girl Chronicles: My daughter thinks Mimi plays the best games of anyone on the planet.
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