Compartmentalization

My son was recently evaluated by our play therapist my daughter sees.   We decided to take this step after our most recent parent-teacher conference where we found out there were certain things he was struggling with in the classroom and at school.   Some short-term work with both him and us as parents would help him where he was lacking some skills.

One of the insights Dhruti, our therapist, had was that my son doesn’t know how to compartmentalize things.   She said he has so many things floating around in his head he gets into a state where he’s not able to move forward, select work or relax because he can’t pick out what’s important and what he doesn’t have to worry about right now.

She suggested a calendar so that my son would be able to see when things were going to happen in the future, know he could find the information later when he needed it and then put it out of his mind, lessening the mental load on him.    The calendar has been a big help for him as well as my daughter.

I hadn’t been introduced to compartmentalization as a mental skill before, but ever since the day we discussed it in Dhruti’s office, I’ve been realizing how very much I compartmentalize things.    For example, I was at school on Tuesday and one of the teachers asked me, “you’re subbing for Precious on Monday, right?”   Folks, I had no idea.   There was a little niggling thought in the back of my head that there was an email exchange from Precious about some substituting at some point.   But truthfully, I had no idea if I was or wasn’t subbing coming up on Monday.

I told the teacher I would confirm on the calendar and sure enough, I’m scheduled to sub for Precious on Monday.   After that conversation I thought back to Dhruti’s words when she said, “he’ll see it on the calendar and then know he can put it out of his mind because he knows where to find the information later.”  

That’s me.  That’s me all the time, about everything.   The more I’ve been thinking about compartmentalization the more I realize I over-compartmentalize things.   I make lists for things so I don’t  have to worry about them.   There’s the shopping list, the To Do list, the blog topics list, two lists, one for each of my children for their sections in this blog, the travel packing list and those are just the top used list in my list of lists.

I also do positional compartmentalization.   If I have something to give to someone, I put it by my purse before I leave the house or I’ll forget it.   I have, actually, forgotten it which is good because I’m not worrying about remembering to take it, but that means I have to have a trigger to remember it when it’s time to leave.

I put the laundry basket in a particular spot so I’ll remember to move the clothes to the dryer.   I put sticky notes on the counter on trash day and I even have a little piece of paper to remind me to put an ice pack in my son’s lunch every morning—something I’ve done for four months now, but I’m not completely sure I’d remember without that reminder.

So is it a good thing I’m so good at compartmentalizing or is it a deficit because I can’t or don’t remember things that have been filed “handled” in my mind?   I’m not really sure.   I’ve heard many, many comments over the years about how well-organized I am, but am I well-organized because if I wasn’t I’d never remember to get anything done or where anything was?

Skill or Handicap?   I don’t know, but it’s how my mind works and at forty-six-years-old it’s probably how it will always work.

The Big Boy Update:  My son is on his first overnight field trip with school.   He’s five-years-old and he is excited.   They’re camping in the woods in cabins in the large state park near our house.   His class has been preparing all week and this morning he was ready to go.   When it was time to go into the classroom this morning he grabbed his paper bag lunch he’d be eating at the start of camp out and walked to his classroom.   He didn’t even say goodbye.    I take that as a good sign.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  We picked a gardenia flower from one of our bushes the other day.   I had it on my night stand and had been smelling it from time to time as it wilted over a few days.  When my daughter found after three days she told me, “mom, we need to put it in water!”  I had to tell her flowers didn’t last forever and water wasn’t going to help.   She was okay with that answer, asking only if we could pick another flower tomorrow.