Failure

I think I’m a parenting failure.   I think this on a regular basis but I’m having a particularly difficult time with it right now.   This is about my daughter.    She is acting like an ungrateful, spoiled brat a lot of the time.   This isn’t my own impression, my husband agrees with me.    We’re not sure where we went wrong but we’re fairly certain we’ve over or under compensated for something, possibly relating to her visual impairment that’s led her, and us, to this place.

The part that’s the most upsetting is I’m not managing well as an adult.   I’m foisting my own frustrations on my daughter when she’s at the peak of her own frustrations.  I’m saying things that are unfair to her.   Yes, she might need to hear the message about her whining all the time and it not helping her cause.   Yes, she does need to know that all the whining and demanding aren’t helping her, they’re making us want to help her less and they’re making us disappointed in her.    But how much is she really understanding at six-years-old?  

How much of a burden are we putting on her for a level of maturity she just isn’t old enough to have?   And how much of her behavior truly is related to her vision impairment and her dealing with her disability as she learns everyone around her—everyone—can do something significant all day long (seeing) that she can’t do?

I don’t know and I don’t have answers, but I feel like a failure every time I have an adult temper tantrum and tell her she needs to get her act strait and tone down the demands, whining and complaining.    I just don’t know what the line is between all the factors we have in play in her life.   And because of that, I feel like a failure.

But we’ll figure it out.   And every day I redouble my mental efforts to handle it as an adult and not burden her with responsibility beyond her age and ability.   As Dhruti has said, she’s already mature beyond her years because of the vision loss;  I don’t want to force any more than is already there.

The Big Boy Update:  My son has demonstrated a level of maturity and understanding lately that has impressed me.   His sister is coming apart at the seams it would appear from an emotional standpoint but he’s holding steady and even being helpful.   They still get in fights, but he’s egged into it more than anything.   He rarely instigates anything.   I’m pretty proud of him.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  Hair brushing isn’t my daughter’s favorite part of the day.   It is one of her least-favorite.   This morning after I got all the tangles out I heard my daughter quietly say to herself, “I’m glad brushing is done.”