Anxiety

I had a discussion with Dhruti today about my daughter.   After posting yesterday I sent her a message with a quick summary, saying I had an appointment with the psychiatrist next week and I knew she had been wanting to talk to me about how things were going.   I wanted to talk to her about my thoughts as well.

Dhruti and I talked today and she told me about some of the things she's been seeing with my daughter and what they meant and her thoughts about things overall.   First, my daughter has been wanting to play "hide and seek" games in the playroom.  This is rather silly in that there is nowhere to hide in the small room and Dhruti can see her no matter where she is.   My daughter knows this intrinsically, but there is an underlying message.   She wants to be "found".   She feels lost.

She told me about social issues my daughter is having at school.  Aditi, her close friend who is also a VI student, is frustrating my daughter.   Aditi doesn't want to do everything my daughter suggests.   She sees this as Aditi not wanting to be her friend. Brooklynn, however, is willing to do anything my daughter wants to do, so my daughter feels closer to her right now.   Most of her other friends don't want to be controlled in the way my daughter has a need to control them, which is causing social tension.

At one point in the session, Dhruti made the mistake of using the word "see" when describing something.   My daughter snapped at her saying, "seeing is not my thing and you should know that."   That's not something my daughter would say to Dhruti, or anyone, typically.

Dhruti sees my daughter being defiant about everything and how, no matter what choices are offered and how good or fun something might sound, my daughter is resistant.   She said to her, "it must be very scary to do something when you don't know what that something will be like."  My daughter admitted it was.

She said my daughter knows she's being mean, rude, hurtful in her words, but she doesn't know how else to be.   She's dealing with a lot of fear right now.   I told Dhruti I planned to have my daughter see the psychiatrist she had recommended for my son a year ago because she seems to be sad or unhappy or angry and willing to fight everything out, perhaps because of this fear of the unknown, or maybe because she's trying to accept the blindness but fighting that internally.   For whatever reason, I thought it was time to take that step.

Dhruti said she didn't disagree.   She said she was reticent to see her put on an antidepressant at her age and that Dr. Snow may feel the same.   I said I wasn't set on medication, but I wasn't against it either.   What I wanted to do was get her in, have her evaluated and get his opinion.   That, and once we had her as an established patient, we could go to him in the future if there was a need.

Then Dhruti said something that was like the proverbial light bulb going off.   She said she thought she might do better by being treated for anxiety and not depression.   Anxiety.   Of course.   She has so much anxiety about everything it's causing her to resist, try to control her surroundings, including people and the negativity associated with all of those things combined, is causing her to be depressed.  Or perhaps not depressed, but down, sad, upset, negative, frustrated, etc.

Anxiety makes so much more sense.   A low dose of anxiety medication may give her some mental peace she needs right now so she can cope with things while she processes and accepts the blindness.   Why didn't I see it?  It makes so much more sense.   The upside is anxiety medication is a much better option for a child her age.   It doesn't have to be weaned off of in the future and can be taken as needed.   And it doesn't affect her developing brain in the same way.

It was such a huge relief when I heard Dhruti explain it that way.   She is going to contact Dr. Snow on Monday morning to discuss my daughter with him.   And everything will be subject to his evaluation and recommendation.   He may have other ideas entirely.   I'm glad to be having her seen by him though.   If we can give her some peace, it will be a good thing.   She is having difficulties at home, at school and socially.   I'd love to help her calm her mind, let her just be a child instead of living in a perpetual state of flight or fight, mostly fight, from fear and anxiety.

The Big Boy Update:  My son is currently at the symphony with his father.   Tonight's performance is of video game music.  I'm wondering what songs they'll play.   I'm guessing the Super Mario theme song will be one and probably the main Tetris theme.   I wonder if my son will know a lot of the songs.   I have a feeling my husband will know all of the songs.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter came home after ten o'clock last night with Morgan.   They had been working for two days on Halloween cookies.   There were two large containers of them.   They had made sugar cookies and then iced them with all sorts of colors, designs and sprinkles.   There were probably three batches they had made so many and each of the cookies was uniquely decorated.   This morning we shared some with Madison for her family next door and Ellie, to take back to her three siblings and parents.   We still have loads left, even after eating them throughout the day when we should have been eating more healthful food.