When I Can’t Be Myself

I had a friend who was going through a rough patch the last two days.    We texted.   We talked on the phone.   We wanted to get together but schedules wouldn’t allow, so we did what we could.   We even FaceTimed, which I’m not a big fan of for general phone conversations, especially when they might involve crying and as this was a tough situation, there was that distinct possibility.

Everything is resolved and fine now but at one point I got worried because the messages I was getting didn’t sound like my friend at all.   There was a level of extremeness to them.   There was an edge of desperation and I was concerned because while we all are under stress at certain points of our life, our coping mechanisms typically help us through them.   But this seemed bad, it seemed beyond stress entering into the irrational.

So when we got on the phone (after I said cut it out with the FaceTime nonsense because I can only hold a six inch phone out in front of me for so long) I got serious.   I got stern.   I went to a level of forcefulness I hadn’t done before.   To some friends, this wouldn’t have been taken well, but my friend listened.   I said, “this isn’t you.   This wasn’t you two days ago and this has never been you.  You need to give your brain a break because it’s been perseverating so long over the situation you can’t see clearly anymore.”

I think it helped.   I didn’t lose a friend, instead I was told something I would have never expected to hear.   She said to me, “thank you.   Thank you for being the friend I needed right now.   Sometimes when things are very bad I need someone to be me when I can’t be myself.”    It was so touching, especially when I felt like all I’d done was to be critical instead of being supportive.   I suppose in retrospect I thought the best way to be supportive was to be assertive and opinionated than just a listening ear.

I took it as a great compliment.   I’m fortunate to have a close friend who would turn to me—opinionated as I am—when she has a need.

The Big Boy Update:  Today was the first day my son remembered—for the entire day—to not move his iPad from the one spot he’s allowed to have it.   He can’t have it all day, but when he can, there is only one spot it’s allowed.   It’s a soft spot, otherwise known as a sofa, which reduces the risk for breakage drastically.   It’s also teaching him to take breaks to do things more easily.   He doesn’t like to transition from one thing to another so it’s been helpful in that small way as well.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter rode to school in a van today.   Her school is very far away from all the other students because she’s not in that school district but has been assigned there because it has a VI specialty.   She liked her driver, Ali, and met a new friend on the ride home.   They sang songs and played counting games she said.    She’s looking forward to the ride tomorrow she said.