Ed Buddy

Last year an old boyfriend from a quarter century ago found my number and sent me a text message.   We texted and then caught up on the phone at the time.   We talked about what had happened in our lives during that time and where we were now.   We laughed at all the good times we had and asked if we were each still in touch with the friends we’d had back then.

Some of the friends we were still each in contact with, even close to, while others we’d lost contact with.   One person was a roommate Jason had had while we were dating.  Ed, or, “Ed Buddy” as he was called, had sort of disappeared.   No one had heard from him after he’d moved away for a job.

This morning I had a text from Jason with a link to an obituary.   Ed had died and Jason had happened to stumble across the obituary as they’d been classmates in school together.   The obituary said Ed had been survived by his parents and his husband.

I messaged Jason back and said it was sad news indeed.   Jason said he’d had a chance to speak with his husband.   I asked how he was taking it, that I couldn’t imagine losing my spouse.   Jason said he was doing well, considering.   None of us knew his husband.   None of us knew he was gay.   His husband of fifteen years told Jason that Ed had cut off contact with people from his life before because he didn’t know if he’d be accepted for being gay.

Jason and I texted about it for a bit.   Neither of us would have cared and more to the point, would have been supportive of him as, we think, all of our friends would have been.  I hope no one gave him any indication they wouldn’t have been.   It’s hard to think back over all the events of those years and know for sure though.

As I texted Jason while I sat in my car, I found myself crying.   Not because I was sad Ed had died.   Surely, that was sad, but I hadn’t seen him in over twenty-five years.   I was crying because he didn’t know if he would be accepted by his friends.

The Big Boy Update:  This morning on the way to school my son told me, “time goes slower with you’re not having fun.”  He had had a difficult morning getting ready for school.   He then said, “my favorite time of the day is dinner because dad makes the best food. I think dad should open a restaurant.”

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:   My husband texted me this picture from the front yard yesterday:

Leaf Superpower?

My son’s occupational therapist and I got our Wheaton Terriers together today for a, “play date”.   It was two-fold as she and I have coaching calls weekly instead of having my son go to her office.   That, and of late I’ve had a lot to talk to her about my daughter as well.

I make a joke of blaming her for us getting a dog.   I do so in a complimentary way, because we are all quite smitten with the dog and are very glad we made the choice to get her.   She loves the children and they love her.   I’m not sure she has a favorite, she seems to love every one of us wholeheartedly and unconditionally.   That’s sort of the definition of dog though, isn’t it?

When we got the two dogs together we, yet again, marveled at how the coloration and coats had changed with each of our dogs since we’d last seen each other.   What looked like very similar beginnings has now diverged in both coloration and texture.   That, and Matisse is much smaller than Theo (although she’s four months younger).

It was thunder storming on and off but we caught one of the off bits where the sun was out and went for a walk with the dogs after they’d trounced and played together until they were lying on the floor with their tongues hanging out, panting. 

The walk was relaxing and we got a lot of things discussed.   When we got back I noted how my dog looked bedraggled while hers looked almost half orderly fur-wise.   It was about that time that we let them run around in the yard before I headed home.   It was then that the real difference came out. 

First off,  my dog loves to roll in the dirt.   Theo is more dominant as a male and our dog rolls over on her back in a submissive posture, but they were both rolling around.   I looked over and Matisse was covered in dirt, her paws were brown and grimy and she had leaves stuck all over her—just like at home, although there was no “sticky bush” in sight. 

Theo, on the other hand, didn’t have a coating of dirt on him—he looked almost clean in comparison.   And there wasn’t a single leaf stuck to him.   Not one.   Matisse had over fifty.   I know this because when I got her home and in the shower I had to pull them off individually.   Water doesn’t help.   Shampoo doesn’t loosen them, conditioner doesn’t sluice them off and brushing or combing is more an exercise in tangles than leaf removal. 

Leaf collection would seem to be our dog’s super power.  

The Big Boy Update:  I wish I remembered the conversation or context from when I wrote this down.   All I know is one day I was having a conversation with my son and he said very matter of factly, “I’m never taking you into battle.”

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter’s music teacher has been trying to teach her how to play the piano (or keyboard, which she likes too).   She said she has excellent fingering skills—only she can’t get her to use her thumbs.   She and I realized this makes complete sense; she is quite proficient at typing on her braillewriter—which doesn’t use the thumbs at all.  

On Mother’s Day

We went to Nana and Papa’s house for Mother’s Day dinner today.   I’m not exactly sure how it happened other than I was texting with my mother-in-law a few days ago.   We got to talking about Mother’s Day and I asked if they were doing anything special (they weren’t) and that maybe we could all get together.   The next thing I know, she’s saying to arrive at 4:00 for an early dinner at their house.  

And who am I to refuse an offer for Mother’s Day dinner?   This morning my chidden both gave me very sweet presents they had been working on.   My daughter gave me a Love Jar with lots of sayings she’d written up in braille listing things she loves about me.   My son had made me a glass pendant at school and had made the most beautifully penned and drawn card.   We haven’t had a chance to see how he writes since he started the Adderall at school.   It’s a whole different thing, wholly better, more under control and just plain beautiful in comparison to his scratchy, messy writing.

Dinner was delightful and I think the highlight in part was a chance to speak to Aunt A and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.  She is foster/adopting a child and we all wanted to wish her happy Mother’s Day too.   And while we know she can never take the place of his biological mother, we’re all so very happy they found each other.   We look forward to getting to know him soon.   Maybe we can Skype. They live across the country but Skype has a way of bringing people right into your living room.   Although I don’t know if he’s ready for the chaos that comes with my two children!

The Big Boy Update:  My son was very happy indeed that there is an Xbox available at Nana and Papa’s.   He wanted to show us a new Fortnite-esque game he’s started playing with his father.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter is happy about the twin bed she has in her the bonus room upstairs at Nana and Papas.   She loves that Patrick, the very large stuffed dog from FAO Schwartz from my son’s childhood, resides on the bed while she’s not there.   Matisse liked Patrick.   Patrick dwarfs her in size.  

Antiques and Goats

We live in a reasonable-sized city.   I’ve lived in the same city all my life and while the city has expanded and grown outwards and upwards from when I was a child.   I live inside the city not in the center/downtown area but in the area surrounding the central part of the city.  

We have friends that live further out than we do, which puts them closer to or even in, other cities that directly abut ours.  When I was young we used to go visit my parents best friend’s house.   They moved out to what seemed to us to be so far out as to be in the country.   They did indeed have horses and a pond and lots of space.   Today, the city has moved outward to meet their land.

When we went to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin when I was a child we went through farm land on two lane roads.   We counted cows and stopped for gas at a, “fillin’ station” as my mother called them.   It was rural and country.

I think I had forgotten just how close that rural land was until today.   I don’t have occasion to travel in a direct line away from the city usually.  Today, my son had a birthday party that was over forty minutes directly away from the center of the city.  

As we drove we got into farm land.   I talked to my son about what we saw around us since his stomach was bothering him and he needed distracting.   I pointed out the quaint little stores in the little downtown area we drove through.  

I knew we’d gotten fully into the countryside though when I saw a sign on a house of, “Antiques” with a sign on the building just beside it saying, “Goats”.  

The Big Boy Update:  My son went to a birthday party of one of his classmates today.   It was a bit of a drive to get there but it was so very worth it as they had a large trampoline in the back yard.   Pretty much the entire party piled inside and entertained themselves the entire party.   We’d be there still if my son had any say in the matter.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter wen’t to Madison’s eighth birthday party today at a gymnastics studio.   She had fun doing the gymnastics but I think the thing that was most interesting about the day is we figured out is today is her exact half-birthday.   Madison is exactly a half year older.   They had to have more cake to celebrate this fact after they’d eaten dinner.

Egypt

I’ve loved learning about ancient Egypt ever since I was a child.   I remember there being a book about Egypt that explained the process of mummification.   I read about how the brain was removed through the nose, natron salt that was used to dehydrate and preserve the body, canonic jars that stored the organs after being removed and preserved separately.  

I was fascinated by the pictures and entranced with the hieroglyphics.  My love of all things Egypt has never gone away.  I went to Egypt when I was in college for a study abroad trip, I have pictures painted on papyrus over the bed headboard and in three other areas of the house.   There are scarabs on the book shelves and the book of the dead on the shelves with a miniature sarcophagus.

And that’s what I’m remembering right off the top of my head as I write this.   Every so often I look for television shows on Egypt.   I’ve found several new documentary series I haven’t seen before, some of which have notable people from other shows I’ve seen before.

I’ve run my iPad’s battery dead three times now, chain watching episodes about Egypt, pyramids, tombs and mummies.

The Big Boy Update:  My son had a very good time on his school three-day campout.   He told me all about it on the way home.   He said he can’t wait until next year.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter did a treasure hunt with Madison this afternoon.   I didn’t realize what she was doing at first.   She had typed up all the directions for where to look next and then hid them.   Madison found them (not that well hidden) and then brought them to my daughter to read for her since she couldn’t read braille.   My daughter loves when she can do something other people can’t.   It’s a rarity for her since we can all see things.   It’s surprising how much seeing actually factors into everything we absorb and know.

The Tallest Dog

I’ve never had a dog as large as Matisse.   She’s about thirty pounds now and will likely not grow much more.   I didn’t think I’d ever want a dog that was even close to this large, but I keep telling people, “she’s a great size.”  I’ve heard people say that lots of times about their dogs and I didn’t see what the draw was.   If you could have a smaller dog that took up less space, fit comfortably in your lap, could sleep on the bed with you without getting in the way and was, well for lack of a better phrase, “tiny and cute”, why would you choose a larger breed?

To be sure there are lots of reasons to have a bigger dog with some people preferring very big dogs—I just didn’t feel the sane way,   But I’m really enjoying her size.   She’s not so fun to carry around, but since I don’t need to do that, it doesn’t really matter.  And not only is she the biggest dog I’ve ever had, she’s also the tallest.

She can do some things my smaller dogs couldn’t, like get to the toilet and drink water out of it.   Or at least I think she could do this if she took a notion to.   So far, she hasn’t tried.  I’ll keep hoping she doesn’t.

She can also reach up onto the counters and tables by standing up on her hind feet.   She hasn’t gotten food off the table yet, but we haven’t forgotten food at the table.   There’s been a lot of food left at the bar seats where the children eat, but since that’s another level higher, it’s remained safely out of the reach of the dog.

Today the dog was in the back yard with the girls.   She came in with my daughter, who didn’t know she had a large stick in her mouth.   I took the stick away and put it on the table at the front door.   Later I found the stick, or rather what remained of it, along with shredded stick bits, all over the living room carpet.

I asked my daughter if she’d given the stick to the dog.  She was confused, not even knowing about the stick.   That’s when I realized the dog had seen the stick through the glass-toped table and had stood up and picked if off the top.   I have a lot to learn about what a larger dog can do that I just never encountered before with smaller dogs.   I’m having to have to rethink the height of a lot of things.

The Big Boy Update:  One of the chaperones at my son’s Lower Elementary campout sent pictures of the students hiking into the woods with their backpacks on today.   She said they’re having the best time.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter has made something for me for Mother’s Day this weekend.   She can hardly wait to give it to me.   She wanted to know if she could give it to me today but we decided to wait until this weekend.

Unexpected Phone Call

I get phone calls to my cell fairly regularly that I don’t answer.   Unrecognized numbers tend to be things like “an important message about your credit card” otherwise known as phishing in the hopes I’ll be foolish enough to not realize they have nothing at all to do with my credit card company.   Sometimes they’re political calls or offers for some medical something or other that I can’t live without.   In short, if I don’t know who you are, I’m probably not going to answer the call.

So when I got a call from, “Unknown Number” you can be sure I don’t answer the call yesterday.   I didn’t even check my phone later in the day to see if there were any voicemails.   Today my son went off to camp and my daughter went to school.   My husband and I went to a mandatory real estate commission continuing education class.    When we got out of class I looked and saw I had a voicemail from that unknown number—and it was Dr. Trese.

I just sort of stared at the phone.  The unknown number makes sense.   Doctors many times need to keep their personal contact information, just that, personal.  Not all patients have the respect to not contact the doctor for, “this little thing that might be worrisome and I’m scared it’s an emergency and can you help me right now?”

So I understand why the call came in from a blocked number.   What surprised me is that Dr. Trese was calling me at all.   We had an email chain, something that also surprised me that the other doctors included his personal email in the email chain about what to do for my daughter’s eye situation.  Dr. Trese had called to talk to me about the best way he though to proceed and he’d try me back.  He’d been international the week prior and was about to leave to go to another international meeting.   I emailed him back and said I was available and would look for his call.

He called me within the hour.   We talked about doing the eye surgery in two steps or one.   The thought had been to have him do the vitrectomy and then have his colleague at Duke do the implant to control the pressure after that surgery.   He said he thought it made the most sense to have only one anesthesia event for my daughter and that he thought Dr. Freedman at Duke could have her colleague, Dr. Toth, do the vitrectomy and then she could implant the Argus 2 pressure device at the same time.

We talked about multiple things, all of which he made me feel comfortable that this was the best way to proceed.   He told me about where he’d just been on his last trip: the Argo meeting which is the largest scientific eye meeting in the world.   He had done a special session on regenerative medicine, something he’s been working on and is looking to raise money to continue the research and start a trial.

In the meeting of close to 250 attendees, he asked if anyone else was working on the same thing.   One person raised her hand.   He spoke with the doctor from MIT who was working with a gentleman who’s done over a hundred startups.   Their work is along similar lines and he is hopeful that they may be able to collaborate and this could also help fund his research efforts.

Why is this important?  Because the regenerative medicine he’s working on would be something my daughter’s eyes may benefit from.   He said if we can reduce the pressure in her eye and preserve the central area of her retina so it continues to function, in two to three years when he’s hoping to begin trials it would be something that could help my daughter’s eye retain or maybe even regain a small amount of vision.

And because of that, he believed doing the surgery for to add the appliance to her eye was the best chance she had to retain and maybe eventually regain some vision.  Are there risks, especially given the poor vasculation in my daughter’s eye?  He didn’t think it was that much of a risk.

I hung up and immediately sent an email to the group chain of our eye doctor heroes if you will, stating we’re at their disposal for scheduling and ready to proceed based on Dr. Trese’s recommendation.   So that’s the latest.   There is still scheduling and the scary thought of how this will change my daughter’s vision and how she will handle things emotionally.   But we have to do this.   I don’t think we have any other choice.   Because the only other choice is guaranteed total blindness.

The Big Boy Update:  My son happily went off to a three-day camping trip in the large state park across from our neighborhood today.   He’s going to have lots of fun with his class and school friends.   He will, undoubtedly come back a complete mess with muddy, sandy and dirty clothes just like last year.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter talked her father into making cookies after school today.   They made some delicious chocolate chip cookies.   She loves cooking with her father.