You Wouldn’t Know or When Do You Tell?

My daughter is for all intents and purposes almost completely blind.  She can see enough to keep from running into things, but that doesn’t work one-hundred percent of the time.   She relies on a lot of other skills she’s gained to know how to move around safely.   She wants to be safe because the alternative is hurting herself, and that’s never fun.

When we’re out in public or an unfamiliar area, my daughter holds the wrist of the person she’s walking with.   She uses clues she gains from her feet such as knowing she’s gone off the sidewalk when her foot feels grass instead of concrete.   She also asks questions about what’s around her and what’s up ahead.   The adult walking with her typically gives her information in advance such as, “there’s an intersection coming up so we’ll stop until it’s safe to cross” or “there’s uneven concrete right ahead, I’ll let you know when to step up and then we’ll be turning left” or “there’s a family coming towards us with a stroller so let’s move to the right”.  And above all else, my daughter is cautious and careful and she trusts the information she gets from her guides.

So strangers seeing us mostly have no idea I’m walking with a blind child who may not even know they’re there.   The very thick glasses she wears make it hard to see my daughter’s eyes which are unfocused and not looking at things like a sighted person would be doing.   A lot of times we’ll alert her to what’s coming up such as, “there’s a little girl holding a dog sitting in a seat by the door to the pastry shop.”   This gives my daughter information and she might ask a question out loud like, “can I pet the dog?”   So I’ll ask the girl and bring my daughter over, putting her hand on the back of the dog.

The question is, how many people realize she’s blind?   This is a question I’ve asked myself countless times when we’re in public places like stores and airports.   And the next question I ask myself is do I say anything?   In almost all cases I say nothing.   Sometimes people figure it out but most of the time they  don’t, probably thinking there’s a little girl who isn’t paying attention or is having too much fun and isn’t looking at her surroundings.

And then there are times people do realize and when this happens it's almost always a positive experience.   I’ve never had anyone ask me, “oh, is she blind?”   I remember a mother and son sitting by us at the airport as we were waiting to board.   When she figured it out, she helped her son share and play with his toys, showing him by example that he could give my daughter the toy by putting it directly in her hand.  

I don’t tell people my daughter is blind for two main reasons, first I don’t want my daughter to feel she’s anything other than a normal child.  And second, because I don’t want her or us treated differently because they think she has a disability and is less-capable.

And yet there are times I do say something.   For example as we were returning home from our most recent Detroit trip we were heading happily to the terminal when my daughter bumped into a man, or maybe he bumped into her, I didn’t see it.   The man was effusively apologetic, saying he was so sorry he ran into her and it was all his fault.   I looked at him, pointed two fingers at my eyes and shook my head as I then looked at my daughter.   He realized what I meant and then nodded his head.   Then I said, “I think bumping into people is just part of being at the airport”.   He laughed and said, “I think you’re right” as we parted ways.

So do I tell?  Not unless I think I need to.   Do people realize my daughter is blind?   I think it’s a lot less than I would have thought when we first started on this vision adventure.

The Big Boy Update:  My son is so good with the compliments.   Last night we had lasagna a neighbor had given to my brother- and sister-in-law.   I love lasagna in general but this one was just the way I like and I happened to be very hungry.   I had two plates full, some beer and garlic bread to top it off.   And then I was full.  Very full.   As I was helping my children get into bed my son looked at me in my loose sundress and said, “you look like you’re gonna have a baby, mamma.”

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  This morning my daughter and I went to the pastry shop to get donuts, cinnamon buns and crumble for the family.   We had done this same donut trip two days before.   As we walked down the street I said to my five-year-old, “I don’t remember if the shop was on forty-fourth or forty-fifth street.”   My daughter said, “it’s on forty-forth street, mom.”   I asked her how she remembered and she said, “because Aunt Kelly told us last time and I’m a very good rememberer.”