The Unknown Ringtone

A cell phone ring tone can make a statement about a person.   Some people select one of the included tones that come with their phones.   Other people never even change from the initial default ring tone.   Then there are other people who go to the opposite extreme, having a custom ring tone with specific tones for certain callers.

I’ve had problems with ring tones over the years.   Mostly the problem was one of negative reinforcement.   This goes back to before I had children and was working a job that while exciting, was also high stress.   The calls to my cell phone were mostly for work and were usually unpredictable.   Did one of my instructors arrive on-site with no classroom materials and un-imaged classroom machines?   Had one of our sales team sold a course that didn’t exist to an important client?   Or was it an employee who had found a job that didn’t require eighty percent travel and had decided to resign in two weeks, even though we’d booked him out for the next two months?

It wasn’t all bad, but sometimes it was, and all it takes is those sometimes that make you dread the phone ringing.   I would change my ring tone every so often because I just couldn’t take the current ring tone any more.    That was then though and this is now.   My stress level is of an altogether different sort.  Yes, we have our challenges, but on the whole, I don’t mind when my phone rings.   Usually, it’s someone I even want to talk to.

But I still like to change my ring tone from time to time just for fun.   One of my favorites has been the Close Encounters of the Third Kind theme, which is both eerie and hopeful.   Recently though I was re-watching a favorite television show from a few years back and I realized the short theme song would make a perfect ring tone.   It was very distinctive and beautiful.   I changed my ring and wondered how many other fans of the television show I’d discover from having the theme song as my ring tone.

It’s close to six months later and not one person has recognized the theme song.   No one has even asked about it, saying it was familiar but they couldn’t place it.   I thought the show was popular and was disappointed when it was cancelled after five years, but maybe it wasn’t as popular as I had thought.  

The Big Boy Update:  My son and I ate outside last night at a restaurant while my husband and daughter did their own thing together at home.  A beautiful black crow landed near our table and intently watched us and hopped around, hoping to get some food.   My son caused him to back off three different times because he stood up and held his arm straight out, towards the bird.   It wasn’t until the third time when I realized he was inviting the crow to land on his arm.    He had had a group of bird experts named “Claws” come to his classroom, bringing large birds to show them.   They each had an opportunity to have a black crow land on their arm so they could have their picture taken with it.   My son had watched his classmates each take their turn and then had had his turn.   We saw a picture of him with the crow but it wasn’t until I saw him putting his arm out in offering that I put together what happened in class that day.   When I asked him about it he told me he wanted it to land on him.   We had a talk about wild birds and then I suggested he share some fruit by throwing it on the ground, which our crow gladly accepted.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  I made quesadillas for my children for lunch.   My daughter was looking intently at one of the slices and told me, “I can see the brain of cheese in the middle.”   I asked her if that meant brains were inside, if she thought brains were made of cheese, if brains were the color yellow—basically a lot of leading questions—and got no help other than, “yeah.”

Writing Evaluation

The Big Boy Writing And Other Occupational Therapy Evaluation Updates:
That’s a long section title, maybe I could have come up with something snappier or more succinct but a long day coupled with a migraine headache and I’m all out of clever right now.

My daughter had the whole eye thing happen last year so we were worried she might need some professional help.  We met our now favorite play therapist and have been ever so happy to have her sage advice and guidance for my daughter and us as parents.   What we didn’t expect was to have a need to get some help for my son, but after understanding the complexity of things in play coupled with our ignorance about how the minds of children both develop and work, we have happily welcomed all the help we can get.

I’m going to cut to the end and say that aside from my daughter’s vision, nothing else seems to be a long-term, unfixable, catastrophic problem.   Hopefully her eyesight won’t be either, but it’s good to at least report the rest of our family issues are minor and easily addressed in comparison.

My son’s teachers suggested we look into some occupational therapy for him for two main reasons.  The first was he was struggling with his writing and was going to fall behind if he didn’t get some help at the pace he was going.   Second, he was having some issues controlling touching his friends in the classroom, not being able to concentrate and generally not being able to focus on working during classroom time as a result.   Was it sensorial?   They didn’t know but they knew someone who could evaluate him and help and she was already helping other students in their classroom.

Bethany, the OT specialist, observed our son a few days later and emailed us saying she could evaluate him, saying she saw an immature grasp and had observed the behavioral points his teachers had noticed during her other visits.   The only problem was, she was booked for months.    Once we got on her schedule—likely after school was out for the summer—we’d have a reserved time slot, only it was going to take a bit.

So we waited.    We heard from other parents who said, “oh yes, you should wait for Bethany, she helped <insert name of their cute child here> so much.”   In the meantime we had our son start seeing out play therapist, Dhruti, and found out he doesn’t have sensorial issues, he has self-image issues, compartmentalization issues and inexperienced parent issues.  We started working on those points and have been seeing good progress

I titled the post “Writing Evaluation” because that’s what we thought the bulk of what Bethany would be doing with our son after she evaluated him.   In the meantime we had him work on pencil grasp, writing and drawing and saw him improve quickly.   Then, this week he was finally officially evaluated by Bethany.   She talked to me while she had him do several things to determine if he had sensorial issues.    I can tell you this: when your child chooses the shaving cream work from all the toys in the the closet and then sprays it all over the mirror, wiping it all over himself in the process, you can be fairly certain he doesn’t have sensorial concerns.  

She did some neurological tests that looked like games to him and had him do some drawing and writing.  She saw his level of energy and said there were several children in his classroom that had similar issues “self-regulating”.    Her explanation was years ago we didn’t teach children how to calm themselves, get their energy out or prepare to do calm or quiet work because we weren’t as academically focused as we are today.   Self-regulation was a skill we typically figured our for ourselves when we got to college and had no choice but to find a solution when we had to cram for a test or write a paper.

She said her work with my son would be a combination of helping him know how he was feeling and what he could do to change his mental state.   On the whole writing front, she said he didn’t look to have any problems such as weakness or neurological issues and she thought he’d be able to catch up easily.

So basically no bad news, just things to work on and we have someone who can help us get there.   Bethany thought the work we were doing with Dhruti on the emotional side was a perfect division across their expertise the each had.    My son is already excited about writing.   Today we discovered that Lego and Nexo (two words he likes) have two of the same letters.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:   We were in the car the other day talking about where we’ve lived.   My son lived in our prior house for one week before we moved to our current house.   My daughter wanted to know where she was.   We told her when we lived in the prior house she was just an egg to which my daughter replied, “what in the heck?”   My son jumped in, saying, “yeah, in Mommy’s belly.”  My daughter was now more alarmed, saying, “you mean where the food is?!”   She decided it was all okay though when my husband replied, “close to there, but in a different spot.”

Pluto is a Star

My son and our neighbor, Keira, wanted to watch a show about space today.   I was navigating around to the documentaries section of Netflix and my son called out, “that one!”  He was lured by the very colorful picture for the series, Cosmos, which was in fact a show about space, so I pulled it up and started watching it with the two children.

His friend is nine-years-old and knows a lot more about everything in compared to my son.   She can also read.    The two of them sat very close while the show started explaining our “cosmic address”.   It was interesting to hear the two of them speculate on what was on the screen.   Pictures of the Earth from orbit were declared, “The Arctic” followed by shots of the sun ablaze which they decided was Mars.

The planets were next.  My son loves the planets.   He has an old DVD called, The Planets, he likes to watch over and over and as a result he and his sister are pretty good with planet names and colors.   But Keira wanted to make sure he knew Pluto was no longer designated as a planet.   She told him, “Pluto isn’t a planet any more, it’s a star.”

My son thought this explanation was just fine and the two of them went on learning about the planets, solar system, galaxy and universe as they sat close together on the couch.

The Big Boy Update:  My son lost one of his favorite toys today—the Tubation.   He lost it and believes I have thrown it away forever because he was so very unkind I lost my temper and said it was being put in the trash.   I need more guidance as a parent because I can’t understand why he takes pleasure in saying what other people build is boring, stupid, <insert other derogatory or insulting comment> when he hates it when the same is done to him.    I’ve tried multiple avenues to foster grace, courtesy and compassion, but I’m having no luck.   It is on my list to talk about with his play therapist, because there’s probably more underlying the issue than I’m understanding.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter drew a pig the other day.   She told my mother her pig was, “piggietastic”.   She further said her pig was, “piggieperfect”.   It was a rather nice pig, so we kept the drawing.

Rug Removal

Have you ever experienced one of those moments when you realize you’ve been doing something for a long time, accepting it as the thing to do because you’ve always done it.   You don’t question why, because it just is the way things are done—then, suddenly one day you realize you’re not sure it should have ever been done that way.  

We were having dinner with some friends on Saturday night, talking about carpets, rugs, children making a mess, the usual.   We mentioned how we took for granted the dog’s ability to clean up crumbs.   There were conversations about rug cleaning and dining room tables and our hosts mentioned they didn’t have many rugs, just the one in the foyer.    It was then that something mentally whacked me in the side of the head.  (Imagine my mind whirring as you read this next bit.)

These friends didn’t have a rug under their dining room table.   They could simply sweep up the crumbs.   They didn’t have to worry about spills on the carpet from messy children because they could mop it up.    My best friend has no rug under their breakfast nook table…our other friends don’t have a rug under their dining room table…in fact, lots of people I know don’t have a rug under the table they eat at.     

It was then that I hit upon a great idea: get rid of the rug under our breakfast nook table.   Could I do it?   Would it work?   The rug was badly in need of a cleaning and with the dog on vacation with my mother-in-law, I was getting tired of sweeping/vacuuming.    I decided.   I was going to do it.    I told my husband and he said, “okay.”

This morning I moved the table and chairs to the side and with my husband’s help, moved the rug onto the covered porch.    It was going to sit there until either I cleaned it and put it back under the table or decided to roll it up and store it.  

I cleaned the floor, put sliding feet on the chairs so they’d move easily and sticky feet on the table legs so they’d stay in place.   Then I looked at the room and realized the tight six-person table we’d been sitting at for five years was only tight because I didn’t have the leaf in all the time.   Why didn’t I have the leaf in all the time?   Because the rug wasn’t long enough in that configuration.    

So I put in the leaf and then pushed in all the chairs at the same time—something that couldn’t be done without the leaf.   Then I stood back and evaluated the change in the room.   I was expecting it to look empty or different or less-colorful without the green rug, but it didn’t.   It looked better.   It looked more open and more spacious even.    

It was less than an hour later when the new configuration was put to the test.  Four children were hungry, wanting strawberries, blueberries and crackers.    I came back twenty minutes later to a table empty of children but covered with crumbs, strawberry “hair” (as my daughter calls the leaves) and blueberries.  The chairs and floor didn’t fare any better on the crumb front.    I went and got a single cloth and the broom. 

I brushed all the crumbs from the table and chairs onto the floor and pulled the chairs back.   Then I used a feature of our central vacuum system I’ve rarely used before.   We have a toe-kick opening under the cabinet connected to the central vacuum.   You simply sweep your debris over to the spot, kick the port open, sweep in to the loud, loud sucking sound of the unit running, kick the opening closed and put your broom away—no dustpan needed.   I think, after today’s carpet removal, I’ll be using that feature a lot more often. 

Tomorrow, I roll up the rug and put it in the attic.

The Big Boy Update:  My son had an evaluation with the occupational therapist we’ve been holding for since April.   She’s worked with other students in his class and has been highly recommended.   He very much liked her.   I’ll have to write up more details later, but the good news is he has no strength or coordination issues with his writing.   Bethany is going to work with him on how to help him know when his body is ready to work and if it’s not, what he can do about it.   She’s also going to work with his writing too, but she thinks he’ll do well with some guidance and skills to help himself.  

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter can hardly see some things while other things she can see well.   We were headed out to dinner with my parents the other day in the mountains.   As we turned right off their street my daughter called out from the back seat, “guys, guys, you forgot to stop!  There was a sign that says stop!”   She was right, there was a stop sign.  

Water Is Water Is Water

It was hot today and we ended up doing several things with the children which involved water.   I had suggested in the morning when they weren’t sure what to do that they could fill up the little plastic pool in the back yard.   This suggestion was met with a wholly unenthusiastic response so I let it drop.

Sometime later my daughter ran into the house, excited because her friend, Madison, was going to the pool and could we go too?   We scrambled to get ready and drove off to the pool we both have a membership to.   My children were interested in the water but decided they were more hungry than interested in the water so we left to go eat and I contemplated coming back after lunch.

After lunch I was met with requests of “can we go home now” because—and get this—they now wanted to play with water in the back yard.     We arrive home and I get not one, not even two but three little splash pools of different sizes configured (with their help) in the back yard.   We sprayed water on the slide with one of the pools at the base and they pulled a chair over so they could jump from the chair into the other medium-sized pool.

Satisfied I’d finally gotten them happily focused on something cool and watery on this hot day, I went inside.    I looked out five minutes later to see them playing some other games entirely with stuffed animals on the hill, completely ignoring the water.

Water wasn’t a draw today in the eighty-five degree weather; I wonder if it will be tomorrow?

The Big Boy Update:   I was trying to explain to my children how long it was until we’d be visiting their cousins in New Jersey.   After listening to my explanation my son said, “do you mean two months ’til after tomorrow it’s next week?”

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter came inside this afternoon with a tiny, smushed something she proudly told me was a mushroom she found outside.   As I started to tell her it was a looking mushroom and not an eating mushroom she interrupted me and said, “this mushroom is poisonous, and, if you eat it, you are poisonous.”

Mental Hygiene

I was reminded of a quote yesterday by one of my favorite authors, Robert A. Heinlein.   I had to look it up to remember it in full as it’s long.   It reminds me of the process we all go through in life and is something I try to keep in mind as we deal with the challenges of my daughter’s vision impairment:

Mental hygiene is a process of correcting the correctable and adjusting to the inevitable. You’ve got three options. You can keep going into a spin until your mind builds up a fantasy acceptable to your unconscious…a psychotic adjustment, what you would call ‘crazy’.  Or you can muddle along as you are, unhappy and not much use to yourself or others…and always with the possibility of skidding over the line.   Or you can dig into your own mind, get acquainted with it, find out what it really wants, show it what it can’t have and why, and strike a healthy bargain with it on the basis of what is possible. If you’ve got guts and gumption, you’ll try the last one. It won’t be easy.

The Big Boy Update:  My son’s favorite color is gold.   This is relatively new and correlates in some way to the Power Rangers in a way I have yet to understand.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter was looking at the fools gold she and her brother had found at the gem mine on Thursday.    She was holding several pieces in her hand when she suddenly said, “Mommy, look, it glimmers!”

Other People Can See

I’m suffering from an over-awareness problem.   This can happen to you when you have to be aware of something that historically, you never paid attention to, didn’t need to know, never cared about.   For example, my good friend has a daughter who was diagnosed with Type I diabetes some years ago.   I don’t know anything about blood sugar fluctuations, the amount of carbs in particular foods and all the hazards her daughter may face on a daily basis.   My friend does all these things without thinking, because she has to.

With my daughter’s reduced vision, I’ve become aware of the ground in a way I never would have expected to.   When my daughter’s walking with us she usually can tell when there is a change in elevation such as a curb or step, but not always.   Natural settings and low-contrast surfaces are more difficult for her to discern.   Without ever complaining, she moves across her world with very little difficulty.   The only worry is the times when she doesn’t see something that would cause her to fall or run into something which could injure her.   It’s those times that have caused me to be hyper aware of my environment.

When I’m with my daughter this is good: I watch for situations she might not see well and casually give her some advice just in time so she can be successful.   In some cases I just steer her away from dangerous obstacles and at other times I instruct her to stop or be careful as she approaches something like the edge of the lake with a drop-off at the edge hidden in the grass.

What also happens is through extrapolation, I watch out for every child around me.   I know my son and our other children friends can fine.  I am aware they are just as capable of seeing the environment around them so they can safely move through it, and yet I have a hard time not telling them, “there’s a step to your left”.

It’s nice to have this protective ability as a parent.   But in some ways I hate it.   I wish I’d never needed to have this extra awareness.    But wallowing in my disappointment doesn’t help; accepting what is and what can and can’t be is the only way to move forward—so I’m moving forward.  Did I mention my daughter was not only happy but cute as well?

The Big Boy Update:  My son is a rock collector.   He has been finding rocks from all around my parent’s yard, the gravel path, the parking lot and the rock garden at the restaurant.   He is dismayed when we explain he can’t take the large or many or dirty rocks into the car and home with him.   His collecting this weekend has been an extension of his collecting with his friends at home.   They’ve been digging up rocks on the clay hill for several days.   The location for their “collection” has been our front porch.   Again, my son was both disappointed and dismayed he couldn’t bring in his rock collection to take to bed.

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter’s tactile skills are compensating for her lack of vision.   There was a toy cash register at my parent’s house this weekend which contained a large array of plastic coins.   Intermixed with these coins were a few real coins.   My daughter realized some of the coins were real and went through every single coin, separating them out.    She netted over a dollar when she was done.