I Only Have One Sister

We have some close friends that made an announcement yesterday.   We had heard about this beforehand, with their family visiting with us and staying at our house for a week this past month.   Their eldest child, who turned seventeen yesterday, decided that after sixteen years living as a female, she wanted to present to society as a male.   Did we have a problem with this, the mom asked on text to me in November, because they would understand if we didn’t want them staying at our house.

I believe my response was, “oh hell no we don’t have a problem, come on down”.    We’ve had an opportunity to talk to them, including their son who picked his new name but when asked, told his parents, “you named me the first time, I think you should have a say so in the name the second time.” They looked up names, all voting for keeping the first and last letters from his birth name and ‘Keaton’ was picked as the one they liked the best.

There are some very heartwarming stories I’ve heard since we first heard about it on the day in November when they decided to let family and select friends know.   The first is how much positive support they’ve all been given.   Keaton has virtually zero negativity surrounding him, which I know is tough for some children going through this same identity struggle.   Keaton says he’s known since he was in kindergarten that he felt he was male.   That’s a long time as a child to feel not at home in your birth identity.

I know when I told my children about our friends coming to visit and that I had some news to tell them that they took it rather in stride.   To children at six- and seven-years-old, it’s a pretty easy thing to explain.   She was born a girl but she wants to be a boy and we can be respectful of his wishes and call him Keaton because that’s his new name.   Yes, we will love Keaton just as much as we love Kaitrinn, that will always remain the same.

So my children rolled with it easily and we all made mistakes from time to time and got the pronoun incorrect but the name correct or vice versa, but Keaton is ever patient with us and knows it was many years of knowing him by another name and change can take time.

So at two o’clock in the morning on Friday, Kaycee, Keaton’s mother, announced on Facebook to the larger community and to her 800+ friends.   She went to sleep and woke up to over two-hundred likes, loves and comments.   And not one of them was negative.   Including the one family member they had been worried about.   Keaton added a comment as well, thanking everyone for their support and wishing every child going through the same thing could have parents, family and friends as supportive.

Kaycee also told us that in her very typical way, whenever she has something new in her life, she joins online support groups and did so as soon as Keaton came forward with his decision.   But she told me something I didn’t expect, or maybe I should have.   She said she can barely read the forum posts.   It’s so negative—a parent who won’t call their child by their selected name/gender pronoun after three years, parents who want to ‘fix’ the ‘problem’, etc.   I can’t imagine how hard that would be.

My husband and I talked last night to Kaycee, Keaton’s mother, about how it went within their family of five with two younger siblings, one girl and one boy, she said it was just a done thing.   They had a family conference, explained and told them Keaton’s new name and from that point on it was just how things were and everyone was fine with it.

There is an interesting side note on their transition to Keaton as male.   My son went to tumbling with Gavin, Keaton’s brother.   On the way home in the car Gavin mentioned something about his sister.   My son asked a question about which sister to which Gavin replied, “I only have one sister”.

We had a sleepover last night to celebrate Keaton’s seventeenth birthday.   There were four teenagers, who stayed over in addition to the movie night adults who all went home after the movie.   I found out that teenagers don’t get up early, unlike mine, who are up as soon as the sun rises, even if they went to bed three hours late.

The Big Boy Update:  My son found another song I really like on Amazon music.   As he was dancing around I asked him how he found all the good songs.   He told me, “I’m the king of music.”

The Tiny Girl Chronicles:  My daughter keeps going to the piano and playing almost melody-like tunes.    She doesn’t do it all the time, but it seems to be getting more sophisticated.   Her music therapist, who is also a piano teacher, is working with her to introduce the piano incrementally so that she loves playing.